Monthly Archives: May 2009

Things are Looking Up

I was a bit of a Debbie Downer in Wednesday‘s post so now I’ll post about how things are starting to look up for me.

I was able to run (okay jog) 4 miles with no back pain on Tuesday and then a little over 3 miles yesterday.  My knees and thighs ached more than my back.  So I’m back with my 10-miler training.   Yippee! 

The only downside is that I am supposed to run 6 miles tomorrow but I’ll be heading down to the Outer Banks which leads me to…

I’m going on vacation!  Hot damn, I needed this.  I’ve been feeling so drained lately and so “blah” that the idea of being able to relax on a beach with a good book (or 6) and my iPod just seems magical. 

 I’m not sure what time we’re leaving tomorrow so I’m trying to figure out if I should suck it up and run super early in the morning (to get it out of the way) or try to run on Sunday while I’m at the beach (knowing full well that I risk the potential to not actually run).

Regardless – I’m going to be gone for a week.  A week with no work.  A week of no bitchy contacts calling me and leaving me shitty messages that say, “I don’t understand where the confusion is…” and then proceeding to call my manager to try to “tattle” on me for not being at my desk despite the fact that I stated in my e-mail (with my manager on it) that I was stepping out of the office for an hour.  Really?  Okay, deep breath…

The only strange thing is that I’m not going on vacation with Jeremy.  No – we’re not doing a trial separation or anything.  I’m going with Kristin and her family.  It just so happened that…

- I end up with more vacation time than Jeremy because he takes the week of finals off.  This happened last year so this year I thought I’d try to rally some friends for extended weekend trips this summer…

- Kristin’s family takes an annual trip down to the Outer Banks.  They booked this place almost a year ago (and Kristin’s in-laws are also going as are Kristin’s brother and his fiance… and can I just say that I think it’s super cool that her in-laws and parents get along so well that they can vacation together?  My parents are socially inept people.  I don’t get it but I digress…). 

- Jackson got a new job that required him to go to a training facility in Georgia… the week of this planned vacation.  Whoops.

- Basically – I’m taking Jackson’s place, I get to use a week of vacation (so I won’t end up with an overabundance of vacation time while my husband has none).  Everybody wins!

Wow – bored yet?  Kristin mentioned that she’s taking her laptop to which I interrupted and squealed, “I can blog!” and she responded with a very sarcastic, “riiiight.  That’s exactly why I’m taking it.  Or it’s because it’s got a dvd player…”  Whatev.  So what I’m trying to say is that I may or may not be blogging.

It would be fun if Jeremy “guest” posted on this blog but he won’t and he shouldn’t have time to because I fully expect to return from vacation with:

- a newly painted back porch

- a stained back yard fence

- newly painted patio chairs (4)

- a clean house

While I doubt the last 2 will get done, the first 2 are weekend projects.  Although I don’t think I can stress the “how cool it would be to come home to a clean house” thing.  I mean, like super cool.

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Nobody Noticed

So I finally bit the bullet and cut my hair.  Sorry to report that I decided to stick with long hair…

The salon that I normally go to (and I use the term normally very loosely here since I haven’t cut my hair since Dec 2007 although I do go for regular bang trims…) recently raised their prices for haircuts.  Since I was ditching the bob and sticking with long hair, it seemed a bit absurd to pay over $60 for a trim.

I tried out a salon that 3 of my friends (with lovely haircuts) go to.  Haircuts are $20 cheaper, the salon is a little closer to me and well… it’s cheaper.  Did I say it’s cheaper already?

While the stylist did cut a lot of hair off (words can’t begin to describe how much better my hair feels), it’s still long.  So – I have long hair with shorter layers throughout.

I loved the salon.  It’s family owned (Greek) and they were all super sweet.  My haircut overall was fantastic.

But then she trimmed my bangs.

I had described that I wanted side-swept bangs.  In fact, my bangs were already side-swept… they just needed to be trimmed.  She asked me how much she should trim and perhaps I confused her when I said “a little shorter than normal… only to prolong the maintenance” because that somehow translated to bangs straight across my head.

random 004

Not the best picture and my hair was half covered in sweat at this point but there it is.  Jeremy and Kristin didn’t notice the day I got it cut.  I waited about an hour before I said something and then I yelled, “You guys are assholes.” 

Jeremy’s response when I pointed out my haircut?  “I thought you were going to do something different,” followed by, “your bangs look crooked.”

I’m not pressed that nobody noticed because it just feels that much better but my bangs that I’m desperately trying to get to lay to the side look horrendous.  I fear that people aren’t saying anything because there is NOTHING nice to say.  Ugh.

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Bad Things Come in Threes

Is that a true statement?  I’ve always heard that but sometimes have to wonder if it just so happens that 2 bad things happen together and, through the power of self-fulfilling prophecy, if we just cause a 3rd bad thing to happen.

I feel like this past week has been a series of bad things that have happened to me.

I strained a muscle in my back that caused me to walk like quasimodo for awhile.

I did not complete the p90x workout in its entirety because of the stupid back strain.  I was in the last week. LAST!WEEK!  And now I’m too scared to pick it back up again.

I missed an entire week of training for the 10-miler.  I was doing so well with it and now I’m completely thrown off.

(okay – I realize that bitching about not being able to exercise is probably a little annoying but I am kind of a nut about fitness.  If you were unable to do something you really enjoyed for awhile, you’d be grumpy too. So suck it.)

So are those 3 things?  Or am I just making shit up? 

Then came Monday.  At about 2am, I woke up with a severe pain in my mouth.  The gums around my crown were completely swollen and throbbing in pain.  Like really – first my back, now my mouth?  Ugh.  I called my dentist when I got into work and begged (on their answering machine) for an appointment that day.

Shortly thereafter, Jeremy butt-dialed me about 10 times.  Everytime I hung up, his phone called me back.  At the 10th time, I was so annoyed that when I swung around to grab the phone and slam it back down… I spilled my coffee all over my shirt.  My silk shirt.  And no, I don’t mean my early 90s Color Me Badd silk shirt.  I mean my super cute silk J. Crew shirt.

Then, after my awesome dental visit (that included the dentist numbing my gums and in the process of doing so POPPED the postule that formed on them… EEEWW), I was eating lunch and noticed blood on my apple.  Since the side of my mouth (including my lips) were numb, I didn’t realize that as I was chewing my apple, I was ALSO CHEWING MY LIP.  So, it looked like I had been punched in the mouth.  Awesome.

Can I really tie those 3 things together as my “bad things come in threes” or am I just reaching?  Did I sub-consciouly chew my lip so that I would have a 3rd bad thing?  Sweet jebus, I hope not.

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The Status of my Back

I didn’t have a clever title for this particular post but I just wanted to quickly give an update on the condition of my back (for those very concerned readers… I’m sure you’re out there… somewhere).

I closely resembled this on Tuesday morning:

back

After a lot of urging from some co-workers, I made an appointment with a recommended chiropractor.

I had never been to one before and quite frankly, the whole idea of someone pushing on me with some force to get my bones to crack just creeped me out.

Well… I drank the chiropractor kool-aid and am now a believer.  He has magic hands.  He said that I had a severe muscle strain.  He also informed me that the set of instructions given to me by the ER on caring for my strained muscle was completely wrong. 

Today, I look more like this (I censored the naughty parts):

crookedback

As you can see, my hips are slightly crooked as are my shoulders.  I’m still in some pain but I am definitely feeling better than I did on Tuesday. 

I sent Theresa that stick figure and she said I resembled a Peanuts character dancing:

peanutchristmas

I think she’s right but I’m sure the Peanuts gang is having more fun than I am.

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America… F**k Yeah!

The other day I was driving home behind this vehicle.

rednecktruck

It’s difficult to read because (1) it was taken with my crappy cell phone and (2) I was driving AND trying to snap a picture (probably not the safest thing to do).

The truck’s message reads, “Vote American!  Not socialism.  God, Guns and Guts.  [can't read] America”.

The dark blue (which is difficult to read) says the “Not Socialism” part and I don’t remember what the last bit said.

Classy.

That same day, I pulled onto my street only to see a giant SUV with the text, “BIG DADDY” and “Doesn’t Like Fat Bitches” written underneath.  Did I mention that getting OUT of Big Daddy’s SUV was a gaggle of little girls? 

Classy.

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The Crooked Girl

Phone call to my mom yesterday:

Me: Hi mom.  I just wanted to call and say ‘happy mother’s day’.  I won’t be stopping by today because I’m going to the emergency room.

hospital

That’s right, I went to the ER yesterday.  Why?  Because I pulled a muscle in my lower back. 

How?  I can’t really pinpoint the exact moment but a lot of events occurred over the weekend that led to the pain. 

Saturday – spent a good portion of the day helping Jeremy with our back area.  He decided it was time to get rid of our grassy patch (aka the dogs’ toilet for the last 4 years) and replace it with new dirt and sod.  The dogs had stopped going to the bathroom on this patch of grass and Jeremy determined it was time for a change.  I helped him load the bajillion bags of pee and poop soaked dirt into my parents’ SUV and then to the landfill.  I knew my back was going to be sore.

Afterwards, we met up with some pals for an end of season Kickball cookout.  It turned into a dance party where people showcased such great dance moves as “the plumber”, “the sumo wrestler”, “the crane”, “the grading papers” and many more. 

Sunday morning I woke up with a very sore and stiff back.  Still – I was functioning.  I finished the frostings for the cupcakes I made for Mother’s Day (for my in-laws) and just noticed my back was feeling stiffer and stiffer.  I asked Jeremy to rub it and we both felt a strange click.  Still… I was okay.

I showered… started to get dressed and then the real pain set in.  Extreme pain.  Pain that left me completely paralyzed.  Pain that had me sobbing.  Pain that required me to scream for Jeremy to help get me out of the awkward position I was in next to the bed because moving any sort of muscle was just making the pain worse.

Pain that took me 10 minutes to get down are small set of stairs with the help of Jeremy.

Pain that took me 20 minutes to get a pair of pants on so that I could go to the emergency room.

Pain that took me another 10 minutes to get into Jeremy’s car.

Pain that had me walking like the Quasimodo into the ER.

When we pulled up to the ER, the security guard asked if I needed a wheelchair.  I replied, ‘No thanks.  My ego won’t let me.”

When I entered the ER, a nurse asked if I needed a wheelchair.  I replied, “I’m only 28!  I don’t need a wheelchair.”

Jeremy went to park the car and when he got into the ER, I was already in triage.  He said he asked the front-desk clerk where he could find his wife who just came in.  She replied, “Oh – the crooked girl?  She’s back in triage.”

The ER doc didn’t take a single x-ray but instead touched my back and said, “You pulled a muscle.”  He injected some anti-inflammatory crap and gave me a painkiller.  He then wrote a prescription for oxycodone.

I still feel the pain.  My facebook status said something along the lines of, “As if I’m not depressed enough about turning 29, I threw my frickin’ back out.”  I feel like I’m 90 years old.

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Cousin It

I haven’t cut my hair since December 2007.  You are reading that correctly.  It’s been almost a year and a half.  That’s just bananas.

Reasons for not cutting my hair:

1) I’m lazy.  Going to a salon takes time and effort.  Taking the time to “style” my hair every morning takes time and effort.  I love the freedom of pulling my hair into a clip, ponytail or bun.

2) I’m cheap.  Going to a salon costs moolah.

But I’ve reached a breaking point.  I was vacuuming the other day and noticed that the vacuum stopped working.  I flipped it over and saw so much hair stuck in the bristles of the vacuum that I think Cousin It would be envious.

I’m finding so much hair all over the house that I feel like it’s committing suicide.  Even it can’t stand to be this long.

So now what?  I’ve always gone between long hair and a short bob since high school.  I was thinking about going for the short bob but then realized that I know way too many girls with that haircut these days that I just can’t bring myself to do it (and to you gals reading this post now, your hair looks fab.  I just can’t have the same haircut as you).

I started googling hairstyles.  Thoughts?

Short-ish.  Cute.  I have long, side-swept bangs that I’d like to keep so this could work.

Okay, this is a bob but it’s a bob with bangs.  I’m almost embarrassed to admit I love Katie Holmes’ hair but it is so cute.  But would cutting my hair like Katie require me to become a scientologist?  Yikes.

I also love Nicole Ritchie’s hair.  And yes, this is almost exactly like the first picture – just styled differently.

Nicole – with shorter bangs!  Okay, clearly I’m sticking to a specific style of short-ish hair with long side-swept bangs. 

Jeremy pointed out that all of the hairstyles I’m drawn to are like the haircut I had when I was little:

meage3

mewithmom

I’m between 2-4 in the pictures above.  What can I say, it was a good haircut.

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Search Engine WTF?

Um… should I be concerned that the top searches to find my blog are (in no particular order):

- tiny boobs sexy

Um… I guess this is a compliment?  I’d like to think tiny boobs are indeed sexy on an adult woman, thankyouverymuch.

- fat man in spandex muscle shirt

What the f?!  Is that what I look like in my tri-suit?!

- thai girl with no boob

Close but I’m half korean.

- gas x really big farts

This just makes me a little sad but I am not surprised.  I’m glad that others are afflicted with this as well and that perhaps my blog touched them in some way to let them know that they are not alone.  I have really big farts and gas x doesn’t help.

- women without boobs

I’m sensing a trend here.  I need to stop blogging about my breasts.

- is tony horton married to kim

Tony Horton is the p90x guy.  While his DVDs are somewhat enjoyable, I think I’d spend the rest of my life punching myself in the face if we were married.

- squeez boobs sister

No idea.

- 12 year old girl with boobs

Okay seriously?  Enough with the boobs!

- asian people with wide nose

Great – now on top of being obsessed with breasts, I’ll need to shift my focus to my nose.

Clearly I need to start blogging about other things… because god only knows what I write about that would somehow be picked up when searching for fat men wearing spandex.

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The Dog Whisperer Would Not Approve

Sometimes I feel like a bad dog owner.  This isn’t because I abuse them or ignore them.  This is because they still pee and poop in the house.

We adopted our dogs through the Dachshund Rescue of North America almost 4 years ago (and would do so again because we strongly support animal rescues).  When we adopted them, they were about 4 and 9 years old.  They were mostly potty trained but had some difficulty for the first few months (and I totally understood… they were in a completely new environment).

They’ve gotten much better but every so often, they’ll sneak off into a different room and pee or poop.  And they do it on the carpet!  We only have 2 carpeted rooms in the house (not including the basement) and they ALWAYS go on the carpet.  It drives me bonkers.

Anywho – the other night little Emily snuck out of the bed in the middle of the night.  And yes, we let them sleep in bed with us and I’m sure the Dog Whisperer wouldn’t approve of that but we just can’t help it.  So – she snuck off and being the ridiculously light sleeper that I am, I heard her.  I listened carefully to hear if she went down the stairs for a drink of water but she didn’t.  I got up and walked into the guest room and turned on the lights. 

Emily was crapping on the carpet.  I screamed, “EMILY!” to which she responded with one last squeeze of poop and then she scampered out of the room.  I was mad.  Not mad enough to grab her and rub her face in it (I don’t understand owners that do that) but mad enough that I wasn’t going to let her sleep in the comfort of MY bed!

I cleaned up the poop then scooped her out of bed and promptly put her in her kennel for the evening.

I was then plagued with dreams of her limbs falling off.  yes, HER LIMBS WERE FALLING OFF.  My dream was of her walking through a field and just randomly losing a leg.  Plop.  Leg on ground.  No blood.  Just a detached leg.  Then another.  Then another.  Clearly I felt guilty for not letting her sleep in bed even though she shit on my carpet.

When I woke up and went into the kitchen where the kennel is, she didn’t pop out of the covers in her kennel so I figured she was mad.  Jeremy called me at work to tell me that she had diarrhea in her kennel and was probably hiding from me in fear that I would yell (I hardly ever yell at the dogs).  He pointed out that I cruelly put her in her kennel to lay in her own shit when she was obviously sick.  UGH.  I still feel guilty even though I’m sure she has long forgotten.

Cesar Milan would definitely not approve.

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The Crazies

I’m in a bit of a funk.  Between hating work, procrastinating hardcore in school (despite having less than a week left in the semester) and just an overall feeling of poopiness… I still manage to take comfort in the crazies.

The crazies.  They are everywhere.  It never ceases to amaze me that crazy people surround me.  At work, at school, on TV (because my life is engrossed in TV) and in the news.  I just want to take a minute to talk about some of the crazies that highlighted my week.

1.  The crazy woman that was on my team project for my class.  This lady was truly bonkers.  Aside from taking a backseat to doing ANY of the project work by claiming to not be “technical” (I don’t think I need to point out the fact that we are pursuing a Masters in INFORMATION TECHNOLOGY.  While I cannot program shit, I do have a level of expertise that affords me the ability to get through the Masters IT program.  Crazy woman, perhaps you need to rethink your career), she tried to turn in what read like a Jerry Springer show recap to our professor as our “final project assessment”.  My favorite lines included, “We have some very strong and outspoken members in our group, who tended to monopolize the conversation and then there were others who spoke little” and “We deliberated as a group over the proper way to describe certain cuisine without offending anyone.  Apparently to some folks this can be a huge issue.”  That last line is directed to me because I thought it was “offensive” to have the song “Where has my little dog gone?” play when refencing a Chinese restaurant.  Man – I’m so uptight, aren’t I?

2.  Kelly on The Real Housewives of New York City.  A couple of episodes ago, there was a snippet of Kelly talking about how much she loved running while showing scenes of Kelly lightly jogging through the streets of NYC with her hair down and IN FRONT OF TAXIS.  Um, what?  I’m sure the taxis love you.  And let’s not pretend that you run.  Even so – that’s not even the craziest moment.   This scene made me want to punch her in the neck.  I am team Bethanny all the way.  I honestly think Kelly is insane. 

3.  Isaac Mizrahi.  I love him, I really do but he’s delusional to pretend that his new show (The Fashion Show) on Bravo is not a complete knock off of Project Runway.  I DVR’ed his appearance on Martha Stewart the other day (I told you that I love him) and was almost appalled that he tried to sell his show as though it was a new concept.  You could clearly see the elephant in the room!  Here’s the description of the show:

The Fashion Show premieres on Bravo on Thursday, May 7, 2009 at 10 p.m. ET/PT. Fifteen professional designers will compete in this fashion creative competition series for a chance to have their designs sold in the retail market and win a $125,000 prize.

Each week the designers will be put to the test and will have to face off in two challenges – the Harper’s Bazaar Mini Challenge, judged by the magazine’s Special Projects Director Laura Brown, and the elimination challenge. In the end, America will choose which contestant will have a clothing line available for retail and win the $125,000 prize.

You mean aspiring designers will all compete in weekly design challenges and then be eliminated one by one?  You don’t say!  What a novel concept. 

I’m still DVRing the show though.  This might be a total knockoff but I still love competition shows about fashion and Isaac Mizrahi.  Too bad Kelly Rowland was the best they could do.  She’s no Heidi!

4.  The a-hole at Whole Foods who copped a ‘tude with me when I tried to HELP HIM politely by telling him that he needed to hit the payment method on the touch screen in the checkout line for his credit card to register.  He stood in front of the card swiper huffing and puffing as though the machine would sense his annoyance instead of looking 2 inches to the left to see that he hadn’t selected the payment method.  God I’m such a bitch for pointing that out.

5.  My co-worker, whom I really really like, for thinking that I’m going to call a manager that was recently laid off.  What the hell do I have to say?  I didn’t know her well at all and I hardly call my own mother as it is.  Really?

That’s it for now… but oh there are so many more…

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