Booty-less Pop

I don’t think it is a secret that I have no ass.  I’m ass-less.  Jeremy tried to tell me last month that my increase in running has perked up my tush but believe me, I am still tush-less. 

I’ve come to accept my flat butt and try to wear things that may flatter it (or at least cover it). 

And most days, I forget about my missing behind.

That was until last Saturday when I was reminded LOUD and CLEAR that I have no booty.

How?  Why?

I took an exotic dance class (finally fulfilling another 101 in 1001 list item!).  This class was the chair/floor workout and holy hell… what a workout.  I wasn’t sure what to expect but my pal CAG (read her blog!) convinced me that it was truly a workout.

Why did I finally decide to take this class?  CAG has created/organized/managed a new workout group called the Fab Fit Clique and she has deemed that August is “Look Good Naked Month”.  She organized 2 exotic dance classes and 2 bootcamp classes for the month (every Saturday in August).  The floor/chair workout was the only one I could attend.  If you’re in the Baltimore area – you really should attend one of the workouts!  I had a blast and the classes are only $10.

Aanywho – enough shameless plugging for my pal.  (heart you, CAG!)

The instructor of the class didn’t look like she was in incredible shape.  I don’t mean that as an insult… I just mean she didn’t strut in with six pack abs or Madonna-like arms.  But when she got into a move and worked it, I felt inadequate as a woman.

I am not sexy.  I never claim to be sexy and I never TRY to be sexy because I just feel like an idiot.  I’m awkward and robotish.

She had us do moves that required us to hump the chair, spread our legs, rock our bodies whilst laying in strange positions… you name it, I tried it.

Look how hard I am concentrating on flutter kicking Playboy style?
legkicks

I like to call this move “Giving Birth”.
birthing

The move that killed me though was the “booty pop”.

Have I mentioned that I have no booty?  This woman tried to break the move down as much as possible.

Stand with your feet hips distance apart.  Squat.  Tuck your butt.  Push out your butt quickly.  Tuck your butt.  Push our your butt quickly. 

Her booty?  It looked like she belonged in a rap video.  In fact, a large number of the girls in the class looked like they’ve been booty popping their entire lives.

I looked like I was having trouble pooping.

I’m convinced that black women have an extra muscle in their bodies that allows them to booty pop. 

I’ve never seen a white girl booty pop… let alone an asian one!  I’m pretty sure I can consider this a booty FAIL!

9 Comments

Filed under Charm City Kim Runs

9 responses to “Booty-less Pop

  1. Meredith

    Did you bring a cameraman to your exotic dance class?

    No, surprisingly. One of the girls from the Fab Fit Clique took pictures… I think she decided she did NOT want to partake in floor and chair humping.

  2. CAG Reinvented

    LMAO!! Aww thanks for the shameless plug Kim. You’re so sweet!

    And Kim it’s okay. I don’t have my of a booty either. I’m just hippy and have boobs.

    Thanks again for coming out!

    I had a really good time! I wish I could take all of your FFC classes.

    And please… at least you can pull of “sexy”. I really looked like a turd. :-)

  3. Christen

    Is the girl behind you wearing hot pink socks with silver heels?
    She might just be my hero.

    Yes! That’s CAG. She worked it.

  4. If we were a super hero team, this would totally be the moment when I would stop you and be like, “Chill, I got this one.”
    My physique was once best described by a co-worker, who called me, “an albino black girl.” Despite no resemblance in my family, I have been blessed(?) with a tiny waist and an ass that belongs next to Sisqó. I know exactly the booty-pop that you describe, and I assure you, I excel at it. (There’s a reason I was very popular in Atlanta.) What I’m trying to say is that if you’d like a little booty for your pop, I’ve got plenty to spare.

    OMG… you are a rare breed. A white girl that can booty pop! I really am jealous. I’d be okay if I could never booty pop… but I’d like to at least HAVE a booty!

  5. I have another way to shake the booty that I learned in belly dance classes. It’s less about the pop and more about the shimmy. It takes practice…. but you basically stand normally, then quickly mini-bend and straighten your knees as fast as possible–without moving your upper half….
    Eventually, it’s the Beyonce booty shake, a little subtler, and hotter, than the pop. :)

    I’m pretty sure that would be an impossible move for me to do as well! I actually took a belly dancing class a few years ago and the ONLY thing I could do was the quick side to side motion with my hips… the instructor called it the washing machine. ha!

  6. Ha ha! I’ve always wanted to take a class like this, but I don’t have much of a booty either, especially since I don’t run anymore! It looks like a lot of fun though :)

    It really is a lot of fun… and a really tough workout! My abs hurt for days afterwards… but not as bad as my ego!

  7. I have a decent booty and I surely cannot booty pop. I kind of think MonsterRawr needs to show us her white girl booty pop because now I’m curious.

    Agreed. I need proof of a white girl booty pop.

  8. OMG LOL!!! I would totally love to do this class. Sadly here in the south we don’t have these kinds of things. The nearest one is in Atlanta about 2 hours away (or so I could find via internet). I have fairly decent booty for white girl. Although now my rolls of bellyfat now make it look flatter.

    It is definitely a fun class and a tough workout. Too bad you don’t have any near you!

  9. I know the real reason you couldn’t booty pop — you left your clear plastic heels at home!

    You might have a good point there, Nanette! But I’m not sure I want to invest in the shoes to test out this theory. :-)

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