Affection

I looked up the race times of a couple that I know that recently completed their first half marathon.  And if you’re wondering if I’ve ever looked up your race time, yes – I have.  If I know you’ve run a race and I know your name – I most likely have looked you up in Athlinks.  I can’t help it – I’m a curious person.

I’m very proud of this couple for doing something that they’ve never done before (and also because I am embarking upon the same physical journey!).

Anyways – the purpose of this post is that I was floored to see that they had the same finish time.  The same time… down to the second.  What amazes me is that this means they truly went through the race together.  They accomplished this feat together.  They pushed each other throughout and finished TOGETHER.

This probably doesn’t amaze anyone else but I have never finished a race with Jeremy.  He just runs so much faster than I do (even when he’s injured).  Let’s take a look at some recent race times:

Zooma 10k

Me – 1:05:14 / Jeremy – 43:45

Baltimore 10-miler

Me – 1:44:29 / Jeremy – 1:16:44

Dundalk 6k

Me: 33:01 / Jeremy – 24:43

Clearly I am much much slower.  And even if Jeremy did run with me, I truly believe he’d still cut ahead just at the last second to beat me. 

What can I say, he’s competitive.

So the idea that a couple would run something completely together was really sweet.  Then I started to think about affection in general and realized (well, it wasn’t an epiphany or anything – I’ve always known this) that I’m not an affectionate person. 

Jeremy is really affectionate.

Where does this come from?  Is this something we get from our parents?  Jeremy’s parents are very affectionate with each other.  My parents?  Not so much although my mom is super affectionate with me AND Jeremy (she tried to kiss him on the mouth once… talk about awkward).

So you’d think having a super affectionate mother would make me love to hug people but it doesn’t.  Did growing up not seeing my parents be affectionate with one another switch off my affection switch?

I love my husband.  I love my family.  I love my friends.  I just don’t feel the need to hug and touch them all the time… or even some of the time. 

Don’t get me wrong, sometimes I’ll hold Jeremy’s hand or “snuggle” but generally I’m happy sitting on the other end of the couch while watching tv.

So where do you fall?  Are you an affectionate person?  Were your parents affectionate with each other?  Am I the only weirdo with boundaries?

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7 Comments

Filed under Charm City Kim Rambles, Charm City Kim Runs

7 responses to “Affection

  1. ReinventingAmy

    I am not affectionate. My family really isn’t either. I can be, but overall I’m not going to run up and hug people either. It depends who you are to me when it comes to how affectionate I’ll be. So nope, you’re not the only one with boundaries :)

    I’m glad I’m not alone!

  2. Hm, those are some really, really interesting questions. I gotta think on that post!

    For me, it depends. I am the same way in the sense that I’m plenty happy chillin’ on my side of the couch, BUT I think I’m an affectionate person overall. I give people hugs and kisses, especially when I am excited for them or when they are leaving me for an extended period of time, I high-five people I don’t know as well as the people I’d hug and kiss, I hug and kiss my family and William. I’m probably most affectionate towards my dog, sadly. But they understand the language of affection, but not English or other, subtler actions, so I justify it that way.

    My family is really affectionate, and I’m sure it’s there that I found a safe environment for that behavior… but I don’t know, because it might be like personality, when there’s an outgoing family, but one person is an introvert? Now I’m really curious about this. One massage therapist once told me (back in the day when I was a beauty editor) that she has seen massage skyrocket–not because we’re living more successful lives, but that people crave touch, whether they realize it or not. I thought that was really interesting.

    That is interesting (the craving the touch point). I don’t mind being touched… in fact, I love massages. Perhaps it’s the intimacy that bothers me sometimes? Who knows. Perhaps I should take this up with a therapist!

    Btw – great point about the dogs. I could cuddle with my dogs all day… its totally different.

  3. Kt

    I grew up in a very affectionate family and can’t imagine it any other way. Luckily Ian is very similar!

    That’s awesome! Sometimes I feel guilty that I’m not as affectionate with J… I really need to work on this.

  4. I grew up in solitude. My parents divorced when I was young and my mother was either working or partying. I didn’t get a lot of affection in the form of hugs and kisses at home.

    So when I started dating a guy whose family was very affectionate, I was nearly appalled. The siblings (2 boys, 2 girls) didn’t give a second thought to smacking each other on the behind or a brother pinching a sister’s boob. No lie. I was mortified. My first instinct was “how dirty”. And, for the love of Pete, they were ALWAYS HUGGING and hugging me.

    At first I cringed. I cringed a lot. Gosh, how I didn’t want people touching me. After 11 years (on and off) though, it kind of grew on me. Now I feel fortunate to have had the opportunity to be introduced to that kind of affection. It’s made me a more affectionate person in my other relationships in life as well.

    Don’t get me wrong, I don’t go around just hugging people. Especially strangers or people that I don’t know very well. And I don’t like for people to touch me (you know, some people are very touchy. But I’ve come to a place where I hug my closest friends, my parents, and siblings more.

    So I don’t think the only weirdo with boundaries (that had me crackin’ up). I think it does have a great deal to do with how grew up. I think it’s perfectly ok to be that way. There are days I’d rather no one touch me and there are days that I want my sweety to just hold me. I think that’s perfectly normal. :)

    Thank you! And I think I’ve come to a place where I’ll hug a few friends but overall, I’m okay just not touching anyone! :-)

    Your story of the overly affectionate family had me in tears. Haha! Pinched his sister’s boob? yowza!

  5. Meredith

    It always cracks me up when you and T declare you don’t hug. I don’t really understand the need to hug people every time you see them but if it’s a friend I haven’t seen in a while then I’ll hug.

    My family is very affectionate. My cousin brought a girl home for the first time a few weeks ago and my grandmother and grandfather were hugging and kissing her the second she walked in the door. Its just how they are.

    I was married to someone who only saw their family about 3 times a year and there was no affection upon arriving or leaving which I found so so strange, not a single hug or kiss or anything. On the other hand, he found my family to be too much. I think how you grew up does play a role in how you feel about affection and touching as an adult. I’m not terribly affectionate either and am perfectly happy being in the same room watching television and don’t feel the need to sit on top of the other person or be in physical contact with them but I have friends who ALWAYS have to be touching one another. To each is own I guess!

    I think you and I are about the same… except that I don’t really hug. :-)

  6. You might be on to something here. Certainly gives me something to think about.
    On a slightly different note, what bothers me is to see myself being affectionate with Kyle in the exact same way I’ve seen my mom be affectionate with my dad. Nothing kills any desire for physical touch faster…

    Hahaha! That is SO true! Any thought or discussion of parents during sexy time is traumatic.

  7. Mrs. Eludius will snuggle for about 15 seconds and she’s done. My parents were somewhat affectionate to one another, but I doubt that her parents were affectionate in front of her and her siblings.

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