Do I Smell Like an Old Person?

Okay – enough is enough.  I get that I’m going through a “tri-life” crisis and have started to put myself through ridiculous physical tests to prove that I’m still young and sprite but really… I am only 29 fucking years old.  But I have had 2 incidents where young folk have made me feel like I’m old enough to be their grandmother.

Incident 1:

I was chatting with a younger guy at my gym.  The guy is roughly 24 (if I had to guess) and has recently changed profession.  Upon discussing new career, I inquired why he chose that particular profession.  He mentioned that he applied to several graduate programs and was denied admittance.  I asked if he was going to keep trying for the graduate program and he responded with the following:

I don’t know.  I mean – if I do get into a program, I’d be like 25 and that means I wouldn’t graduate until I was like 28… and that is just so old.

Blank stare.  Um… wtf?  I am clearly older than you!  I blinked a few times and finally said, “I want to punch you in the face right now.”  Still nothing.  He had no clue.

Incident 2:

Graduate school already makes me feel old but I generally take comfort in knowing that I’m not the oldest person in my classes.  I can guarantee that there is at least one person older than me at all times (and I’m not just talking about the professor).  New class, new team.  I was chatting with a young dude in my new team as we were leaving class and here is how the conversation went:

Young Dude: So how far are you into the program?

Me: This is actually my last semester.

YD: Wow, really?  How many semesters have you been in the program?

Me: 5.  I take 2 classes a semester.

YD: Hmm.  When did you finish undergrad?

Me: [long pause] 2002.

YD.  Oh!  Wow.  Huh…. [looong pause].  I’m a young buck compared to you.

W.T.F.  I mean, do I smell like formaldehyde and Depends?!  It turns out this guy is 23.  TWENTY-THREE! 

As if I didn’t feel bad enough about almost turning 30…

I think I should just give up at this point and trade in my fabulous sunglasses for those crazy oversized blublockers and pinch the cheeks of everyone I know.

I called a friend yesterday to vent about incident 2 and declared that I am getting crunk this weekend, dammit!  Although I’m sure I’d be drinking wine or a nice single malt scotch over cheap booze. 

God, even in my declaration of whooping it up, I manage to age myself.

7 Comments

Filed under Charm City Kim Rambles

7 responses to “Do I Smell Like an Old Person?

  1. That’s brutal. I don’t think you’re old!!!

    Also, I absolutely love that you said “I want to punch you in the face right now.” Thank you.

    I kind of wished I would have actually punched that kid in the face! 29 is not old!

  2. Meredith

    My 30-year old brother made a crack about my age last week. Um, hello? You are only 17 months younger than me! Next time I am totally stealing your ‘I want to punch you in the face right now’ line except I might actually follow thru!!

    I think there should be a movement to actually punch people in the face when they say stupid stuff to you.

  3. In regards to Incident #2 – think of the economy, what choice do a lot of these babies have these days. If they see grad school in their future, they are hopping on the train asap. and you are NOT old – says the 31 year old who truly feels that she is now in the prime of her life. =)

    But doesn’t 23 just seem like it was so long ago? :-) I totally agree about the grad school train. I kind of wished I would have taken a similar approach to school!

    And I hope I’m in the prime of my life!

  4. Vonni

    One way I make myself feel better about my advanced age (I’ve got 9 years on you) is that I’m smarter, make more money and dress better than most of these insensitive twits. And do you really want to go back to being 23?

    I can’t even remember what 23 was like (but I do remember making MUCH smaller salary).

    I like your perspective! And you do dress fabulously. :-)

  5. You definitely already know the best part about being older (a.k.a. not early twenties): Good alchohol. Thank god for that! :)

    Haha! Sometimes I look back on some of the crap I used to drink in my early twenties and can’t believe I survived…

  6. When I read both your incidents, my first thought was actually that I was impressed that they both thought you were close to their age. Don’t be depressed that you’re almost 30; be psyched that you’re flauntin’ it like you’re 24! Seriously, I’ll be ecstatic if I look half as good as you do at 29.

    You guys should move to Baltimore. You do wonders for my ego!

  7. I’m going to be 29 in a couple months, and I gotta be honest, I don’t feel old at all. It’s true I’m not where I want to be career-wise, but that’s not an age thing, it’s because I feel stuck in my job and I’m not sure where to go. Stop feeling old, because if you feel old then I should feel old, and I don’t feel old, so let’s just not be old ok?

    Ha! It’s a deal. We are not old!

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