Monthly Archives: October 2009

Gratuitous Cute Dog Pictures

After we picked the dogs up from the vet last week – the office had adorned them with super cute Halloween neckerchiefs.  Love it!

Petie

Emily

Now if only I could decide what I want to be on Halloween (something that doesn’t involve slutty anything).

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Stink Bomber

Active.com posted a funny article about the 10 most common types of runners.

I nodded my head in agreement for some of them (omg, I totally see that woman on the trail!  YES!  that guy totally freaks me out!) and then realized that I am a combination of 2 types:

The Human Cybertron

Typically the Human Cybertron runs with every possible electronic aid known to man sprouting from every orifice in their sweaty body. I’m amazed that they can even ponder so much data, with so much entertainment plugged into their ears on such a short run. I mean how much distance, speed, altitude, pace, heart rate, calorie, trajectory, target zone, sweat rate, and MP3 data can a person process in a few short hours?

The Stink Bomber

Sometimes the pre-race morning meal does not agree with the body in motion. I’m sure in the heat of battle we’ve all squeezed out a little “poot”. But not the Stink Bomber. This guy started farting at the age of one has has since gone to graduate school in the fine art of flatulance.

I run with my iPod, a heartrate strap, a Nike+ insert and a Garmin forerunner.  During marathon training, I started to run without my iPod and it was surprisingly calming.  Actually – I found that I only enjoyed runs without the iPod when I was running along a scenic route (NCR trail, along Loch Raven).  Running through the city stresses me out.  I think the sound of all the cars whizzing by trigger the feeling of road rage in me and I need to drown it out.

As for farting… there is something about running that forces me to fart.  Oh who am I kidding – movement makes me fart.  Breathing makes me fart.  Everything makes me fart!  The problem with running and farting is that no matter how hard you try, you can’t make the fart silent.  And then sometimes the farts come out to the rhythm of your footsteps (and that’s pretty entertaining).

So are you a runner that lets ‘em loose while you run?  Ever run near a farter? 

And a funny sidenote – I was walking to my car in a parking garage at work the other day and had to fart super badly.  I held it in throughout the building and couldn’t wait to get to my car to let it loose.  When I stepped into the garage, the coast appeared to be clear so I let it loose.  It was really really really loud.  Like honking loud. 

Then I took 2 more steps to see 2 associates smoking cigs.

Ha!  All I could do was laugh.

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5 Years Ago

… the magic began.  What magic?  The magic between me and Jeremy.  Ha!  It seems kind of crazy that we’ve been married for half of that time.  To some, it seems like we kind of jumped right into a lifetime committment but to us it just made sense.

So let me set the scene of our magic making.  A week prior, I had laid the ground work unknowingly.  I had my eye on Jeremy for a bit (especially when I heard he was a good smoocher from another friend… and yes, he made out with a friend of mine.  And no, it’s actually not weird at all – it’s hilarious!). 

So how did I unknowingly lay the ground work?  I got completely drunk and made an ass out of myself.  I think this just proves that I am an adorably drunk (and not the annoying drunk who vomits all over the side of her husband’s car after a wedding.  Oh wait – I am.  I guess that’s what getting married does to a gal).

I spent the week scheming on how I was going to hook Jeremy.  I deemed him my pet project.

Jeremy apparently declared that he was going to pursue me.

We made plans (group plans) to hit up some absurd happy hour at a bar in Canton ($1 Miller Lites!).  We stuck around well past our friends and even ducked into a dive bar for a bit.  And then the awkward invite into my house.

I think I might have said something along the lines of hating my roommate’s cat and that it puked in my room.  I said it left a stain on my carpet and did he want to see it.  I’ve got some sweet moves.

And after an all night smooch-fest, I took him home the next morning and high-fived him goodbye.  To say it was awkward is an understatement.

But here we are five years later… sitting on the sofa, watching a DVR’ed “Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown” and chowing down on a fabulous vegan mexican chocolate cake that I made.

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Admitting Defeat

I have not run in four weeks.

The Philadelphia Marathon is less than one month away. 

I have missed the four very important endurance building training runs.

I have spent a good amount of money going to ART therapy three times a week for the last 2 1/2 weeks.

My knee pain is not anywhere near where it was when I first went to therapy.  I can walk up and down stairs with no pain.  I can bike with no pain.  I can swim with no pain.

I cannot, however, use the elliptical machine 2 days in a row without experiencing residual pain later in the day.

I’m spiraling down into a deeper depression about this.  While it seems absolutely absurd to be upset about NOT running 26.2 miles (because the idea of running that just seems insane), I just can’t help but feel sad.  I feel lost.  I set a goal.  I trained smart.  I didn’t push myself too hard.  I stretched.  I iced.  I did everything right.

So why me?  Why is this pain so awful?  Why won’t my body just listen to my brain and just do what I want it to do?  Yes – I get that this isn’t the end of the world.  I can still walk.  I still have my health.  But I just don’t know how to explain it.  This was something I really wanted to do.  And yes, there’s always other marathons… but see, I have plans.  I have timelines and things I had planned to do.  I needed to do this next month.  I needed to cross off this list item to feel accomplished.

One month of no running.  I’m about to enter week 5 of no running.  And then according to the marathon training guide, I’m supposed to taper.  Taper?!  From what?  I haven’t run.  My longest training run was 13.1 miles.  I did it.  I felt good.  Is that enough to take me through to the marathon?

I mean, at what point do I admit defeat?  I know I should… I just can’t.  The idea of quitting upsets me beyond words.  I’m actually not able to sleep because I’m just obsessing over this.  I’m beginning to loathe runners when I see them merrily jogging down the street on a beautiful autumn day.  I am filled with rage when someone tries to “relate” to my pain when what they experienced was either (1) nowhere near the pain I am experiencing or (2) they had to take a year off of running. 

My ART therapist believes that I’ll still be able to run the marathon.  In his words I “won’t be setting any records” but feels that it is totally reasonable to think I’ll make it through the marathon.  Is he just blowing smoke up my ass so that I continue to pay for his services?  Or is he really exercising his medical opinion?  He’s a super nice guy so I want to believe him… i really do.  But I’ve missed a month of training. 

Yarg.  Ugh. Blah. Grr!  I just want to scream.  I want to punch someone. 

What’s even more annoying is that the Philadelphia marathon offers NO deferrments.  Their downgrade (moving to a shorter distance race) requirement was Sept 30th. 

I am just beyond frustrated at this point.  But I am not ready to admit defeat.

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Pee Diddy

Sorry – no video of Jeremy trying to catch Emily’s pee.  The Wednesday night, I decided that I should probably help Jeremy with the pee catching task since I leave the house much earlier than he does so helping him Thursday wouldn’t have been an option.

It was dark so I took a flashlight.  Jeremy took a ladle.

As Emily would walk onto the grass and start to sniff (signs that she’s getting ready to go) – Jeremy would step closer to her with ladle in hand.

And it always freaked her out.  She’s sniff, start to squat and Jeremy would step closer and she’d jump and run away.

I told Jeremy he had to catch her once she was peeing and then just said something like, “Give me the damn ladle.”

About a minute later, Em squated and I quickly moved the ladle under her “stream” and caught her pee. 

Success!

Jeremy help out the little tupperware container and I poured Em’s pee into it.  Jeremy gagged the entire time.  (Really?  You pick up their poop but their pee makees you gag? Amateur.)

At this point, I declared while waving my arms that “I am the PEE MASTER!”.  I also forgot that I had a ladle that had just caught urine.

Wouldn’t you know – I flung Em’s pee all over myself.

Whatev – I’m still the pee master.  Or Pee Diddy as a co-worker so cleverly stated.

We picked Emily and Petie up last night and it was heartbreaking.  Jeremy got the call that Petie needed to have 4 teeth pulled, not just the one we had anticipated.  Jeremy got another call later stating that Petie came out of the anesthesia quickly and was very alert.  All good signs for a 12 year old dog.

When we picked them up, they were shaking badly.  They had adorable little Halloween handkerchiefs around their necks but that didn’t mask their horribly swollen mouths and tear soaked faces.

And yes – my dogs were crying.  I don’t mean whimpering.  I mean tears were rolling out of their eyes.  Okay – I’m exaggerating but Petie had a giant tear come out of his eye and Em’s eyes were completely soaked.  Can you guess what happened next?  Yes, I cried. 

I’m going to be the weeniest mother.

Aanywho – the vet said that they could only have soft food and that we weren’t allowed to let them chew on any toys (common sense).  She warned that they may bleed but not to freak out (unless it is gushing but she said that probably won’t happen).

After paying the $2,150 bill (another heartbreaking moment for me) – we left.  Em and Petie whimpered the entire way home.  The whimpered when we got home.  And Emily cried off and on all night.

Jeremy worked from home today to make sure the dogs are okay.  He called me at work to let me know that Petie had apparently bled on our sheets.  Not terribly… but enough to make my heart sink a little more.

So there you have it.  They’re okay albeit mad at us for putting them through the torture.  I tried to take a picture of them to show how swollen their mouths were but they started to cry so we stopped.  They don’t really like getting their picture taken in general so I’m sure after having endured a traumatizing day – the last thing they needed was a giant camera in their faces.

Because of that, I’m going to post cute pictures of them…

My babies.

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Contagious Rotten Teeth

I know I’ve written about my dental woes but now it seems that rotten teeth are contagious in my household.

No, Jeremy still has perfect teeth (that annoying turd) but my doggies both have some problems.

We took Petie & Emily for their annual exam.  And wouldn’t you know it also happened to be their 3 year vaccination anniversary!  Let’s just say that this visit was not cheap (despite having pet insurance).

The vet started her exam and as soon as she looked at Petie’s teeth, she sort of gasped.  Not in a judgemental way but in a “wow – his teeth are BAD” kind of way.  Mind you – every vet visit always yielded compliments on how well their teeth look so this caught us completely off guard.

Petie has a rotten incisor.  And the teeth on that side of his mouth are completely covered in buildup from not chewing on that side.

We didn’t even notice.  :-(

Emily was next and we were sure nothing would be wrong with her.  I mean, Petie is 12 years old so perhaps rotting teeth just come with age? 

The vet opened Em’s mouth and said, “she’s got 2 broken teeth!”

Um, what? 

She showed Jeremy and wouldn’t you know… Em’s got 2 broken molars.

I said that she hasn’t shown any signs of pain.  Neither she nor Petie hesitate to eat or whimper when chewing. 

Regardless – pulling a rotton incisor isn’t terribly expensive (according to the vet but I beg to differ)… its the molars that are costly.  We have to have all of these bad teeth pulled or they could lead to infection… and that could lead to death and I am not ready for that.

Plus – what kind of vegetarian/animal lover would I be if I denied the health of my pets?!

We got a “rough” estimate of the dental work (rough because they won’t know just how difficult it will be to pull Em’s molars until they try) and its about $2k. 

Ouch.

They also have to be put under and that freaks me out.  Did I mention that Petie is 12?  Emily is 9.  They’re not young pups.

Another fun part of this process is that we have to provide urine samples.  Petie won’t be a problem but Emily?  She squats.  And she spooks easily.  We’ll be chasing her around the yard with a ladel to catch her pee tomorrow morning.  Fun stuff!

Anyone ever “catch” a urine sample from their female dog?  Any tips?  Or should I just try to video record Jeremy collecting urine and post it to the blog?  :-)

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Disappointing Purchase

I love Etsy.  I obsessively look at it and all the pretty things you can buy.

However, I never buy things from Etsy.  I have no idea why.  I just don’t.  I just like to look.

I’d been obsessively looking for a large cocktail ring.  It is still something I’m dying to have more of but this led me to scour the pages of Etsy.  I found one that I was absolutely in love with:

ring

ringhand

So big.  So pretty.

It was $40 but each ring was “custom made”.  You could choose to keep the ring in a copper finish or have the pretty “oxidized” look pictured above.

I went back and forth for a couple of weeks.  I thought about this ring often (what a sad life I lead).  Finally – I took the plunge.  A friend convinced me that it was a sound purchase and I’d be supporting a crafter.

The seller couldn’t have been nicer.  S/he responded quickly to my payment and within a week, I got a notice (with a tracking number – love that!) that the ring was being sent.  I also received a note saying that s/he threw in “something extra” for me.

I was so excited to receive this package.  It felt like Christmas.

But then I opened the box.  And I looked at the ring that I was so happy to order.  And it was not the ring pictured above.

random 001

random 003

The pictures don’t do it justice (and please ignore my scraggly finger nails).  I looked at the ring and what I saw was a middle school project.

I don’t want to knock the seller especially since I’m looking at MY photos and the ring doesn’t look half bad.  I guess the ring doesn’t translate well into reality.  :-(

So I’m out $40 and own a ring that I won’t wear.

The “something extra” was a thin, silver band that I LOVE.  Worth $40?  Not so much.  But I am wearing it all the time now.

Anywho – just felt like bitching to the blogosphere!  Anyone ever order something disappointing from Etsy?  What did you do?

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