Milk

So apparently none of you found my funny conversation very funny yesterday.

I think this just further proves that I think I really am the funniest person ever… and am the clearly only person that thinks this.  But I also think my friends are funny.

Or perhaps I just find a lot of things funny.  I toss around my laughter and amusement like a whore.  I am a laugh whore. 

So if you didn’t find that funny, perhaps you’ll find this funny because Jeremy has been making fun of me for it for the last month or so.

I have a problem with awkward silences.  I briefly mentioned yesterday that I hate talking on the phone.  I don’t know why.  And its not that I hate talking on the phone all the time… there are many times that I’ve chatted for hours on the phone with no problem.  I think I have issues talking with certain people on the phone.  But sometimes I just don’t feel like talking to anyone.

Back to the awkward silences thing though – I don’t know how to handle these moments.  Whether I’m on the phone, bumping into someone I haven’t seen in a long time or killing time before a meeting with colleagues – some really strange shit has come out of my mouth.  But not literal shit because if I could poop out of my mouth I’m pretty sure I’d die alone.  Who wants to hook up with poop mouth?  That reminds me of a terrible porn video clip I saw years ago…

Aaanywho – I really hate talking about the weather but it usually is my go to conversation topic.  However, this creepy conversation took place recently at the start of a meeting where only me and another guy were on the conference call waiting for others to call in.

Okay so I don’t remember the start of the conversation but I know it had to do with it being super early for this meeting…

Guy: “Well I’m okay because I got some coffee.”
Me: “Oh yes.  Mother’s milk.”  (said in a weird Montgomery Burns kind of tone)

What?!  I don’t even know what that means but somehow that came out of MY mouth.  I quickly backtracked and said, “OH MY GOD!  I have no idea why I said that.  That was so creepy.  I’m really sorry.”

And the guy just nervously laughed (or it was a pity laugh) and then other people dialed in.

But hello?  This guy must think I’m so creepy.  I’ve never mentioned this creepy conversation since that incident and I’m hoping he has long forgotten.    But who forgets that shit?  I wouldn’t.

And now Jeremy can’t see milk without thinking of how his wife spews creepy sayings like “Mother’s Milk” to coworkers.

How do you handle awkward silences?

9 Comments

Filed under Charm City Kim Rambles

9 responses to “Milk

  1. I travel and meet people I don’t know all the freaking time. It’s my job, so awkward silence is my specialty. I can honestly spew out casual conversation with about anyone. I think you just learn random things to talk about. The thing is that in my everyday life it is great for that random office time when “Mother’s Milk” isn’t appropriate or awkward Christmas office parties when no one is speaking.

    I need to get some pointers from you!

  2. I’ll take some pointers from Stephanie too.

    My learned behavior has been to try to think of what I know about the person and ask them questions about themselves or their life. You never hear people complain about talking too much about themselves.

    Sometimes I maintain the awkward silence. The other person is obviously in the silence as well. They may feel it’s awkward or they may just accept the silence. Either way, both parties are most likely aware of it. I figure if they don’t have anything to say either, we’re on even ground.

    I like that approach (both parties are silent). I think I just suffer from diarrhea of the mouth. :-)

  3. Meredith

    I don’t deal well with silence. When I’m talking to someone I just met or don’t know very well have a tendency to miss half of what they say because I’m always trying to think of something to say or a question to ask them should the conversation hit an awkward pause.

    Haha – I do that too sometimes!

  4. I really really try to just stay quiet and ride out the awkward silence in silence. Otherwise I have been known to say really dumb stuff. If I feel something coming out of my mouth, I try to steer toward the weather. Boring, neutral, safe topic.

    I’m really going to have to practice that… staying silent.

  5. sarah

    this is hilarious…I’m another who doesn’t like the phone and isn’t good with awkward silences! Hopefully your coworker just forgot about it!

    I really hope he did too. I haven’t spoken to him since so maybe he hasn’t and has just been avoiding me? Yikes.

  6. Vonni

    This is why I scan the entertainment/business/sports headlines in the morning. I always have some newsy item to fill the silence with. Something along the lines of What do you think about Tiger taking time off from golf? :) All kinds of fun responses to that one.

    That’s a really good idea! And yes, the Tiger topic. Its especially fun to bring up in the locker room at a gym. haha

  7. Maybe that should be your new tagline: Mother’s Milk.

    Haha – yes! Although I’m afraid of the type of people that would start coming to my blog… :-)

  8. I rarely face awkward silences because I avoid awkward situations like the plague.

    For instance, I don’t call into a conference call until about 30 seconds past the scheduled time, to avoid the dreaded pre-conference call chat…ugh it’s the worst!

    Calling in 30 seconds past the scheduled time? That is frickin’ BRILLIANT! Thank you!I’m not really sure why I didn’t think of that. I always call at the scheduled time and it seems most people follow your rule of thumb. You’d think I would have learned by now. :-)

  9. This is possibly one of the funniest things I have read on the Internet all week. :]

    Glad you enjoyed it! :-)

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s