Another Neighbor First

So my idiot neighbor (the one that periodically throws food into my backyard and I shared a moment the other day.

When I got home from work, I let my dogs out into our backyard (aka the concrete jungle with a small patch of grass for them to do their business).

I immediately heard my neighbor’s back door open.  I was irritated by this because he likes to antagonize my dogs while they go to the bathroom.  I wish I was joking about that.  I don’t understand why.  Would he like it if I went into his bathroom and started yelling things at him while he was trying to take a shit?  I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t like it either.  (Or I’d end up getting held hostage in a weird sex dungeon in his house… seriously, dude is creepy.  We’re pretty sure he brings prostitutes to his house).

Aaanywho.

As I’m walking down the stairs of my back porch, I notice an article of clothing right at the base of my steps.  At first I thought it was a t-shirt.  And as I stepped closer I realized…

… it my creepy neighbor’s underwear!  TIGHTY WHITEY underwear!

He leaned over the fence and politely asked if I’d hand him back his underwear.  They had blown into my backyard that day (during the crazy wind gusts happening in Baltimore).

So f’n gross.

I picked them up by the elastic band with just 2 fingers and handed them back to him.

And then I dipped my hand in bleach.

Okay, I didn’t do that last part but I definitely scrubbed my hands like Lady MacBeth.

14 Comments

Filed under Charm City Kim Rambles

14 responses to “Another Neighbor First

  1. Aaaahahaha! You should have out creeped him by looking at him very seriously and saying, “No…no, I think I’d like to keep them. I think I’d like that very much.” See if you can drool a little, then wipe it away with the heel of your hand. It might not stop him from being a creeper, but it sure would amuse me!

    I wish you lived on my street!

  2. Kt

    EWWWWWW that totally creeped me out!!!!

    Have you seen my neighbor? Its even worse!

  3. Meredith

    Have you contacted a Realtor? Seriously….your neighbor is ridiculous. You should have gotten a stick with which to pick up his nasty underwear.

    On the plus side, I am having the worst week and this totally made me smile amidst all the stress!

    I’m glad this story was able to bring someone cheer! I’m still washing off the ickiness. haha

  4. OH. MY. GOD. This is hilarious.

    I should have taken a picture!

  5. What he should have asked was, “May I come over to retrieve my underwear?” Not “Please put your hands on my underwear and give them to me.” That’s just ew.

    Good point! I feel like if my underwear flew into his backyard, I would try EVERYTHING possible to retrieve it before asking him to touch them.

  6. I have no words for this.

    Just be happy that you don’t live next door to my neighbor! :-)

  7. Vonni

    I’d just let the underwear go. It’s really really really not worth it. And Kim…go find the bleach. I’ve read about your creepy neighbors. :)

    haha – I just hope this doesn’t happen again! I’m not sure I can handle touching his undies anymore. :-)

  8. That is just weird and gross!

    Tell me about it!

  9. fromatopink

    Wow. Just, wow. I probably would have run back inside! Hysterical (and gross).

    haha! I was just stunned.

  10. Pingback: Yet Another Neighbor First « Charm City Kim

  11. HAHAHAHAHA!! Two hilarious posts in a row!! I’m really surprised you didn’t invite his ass over to pick them up himself! LMAO!! HAHAHA

    I really need to post his picture so people can REALLY grasp the awfulness of the situation!

  12. Can I send him a bill to clean the vomit out of my keyboard?

    I think he could use the cash!

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