Thanks for not telling me I’m a super turd about yesterday’s confession. I really am starting to get excited about having a daughter. One helpful strategy I’ve employed is thinking of all the negative things that come with raising a boy like…
- The circumcision debate. I didn’t realize this was a hot button topic but in looking at the pregnancy forums, some women are up in arms about this. I just grew up in a culture where circumcision was the norm. The first time I ever encountered a non-cut wang, I actually had to ask one of my FRIENDS what was wrong with it. I drew her a picture and everything. And in my defense – I was 19. Cut me some slack. I’m more mature now. Sort of.
But apparently there is a movement to stop cutting foreskin. Women link medical research and blah blah blah. I chatted about this with Jeremy and he said he’d prefer it if our son was cut. I asked why. He said it was what he knew. And I laughed really hard when he said, “I wouldn’t know how to tell him to ‘wash it’”.
- Little boys are at risk of having toilet seats slam down on their wieners as they are potty training!! I saw this in an issue of Parenting magazine (my MIL bought me a subscription) and my brain couldn’t even wrap around how to handle this situation. The poor mom said blood was squirting out. I imagine her son would be terrified of using a toilet again! I even GOOGLED “toilet seat slamming on penis” and there are tons of parent posts about this. Who knew it was an epidemic?
- Still talking about potty training, I wasn’t sure how to potty train a boy. At what point do they learn to stand? That is beyond my realm of expertise. I had to ask Jeremy about this. So now I’ve dodged that bullet.
- Boys can pee in your face as you change their diaper. They have an aiming device.
Apparently all of my cons are related to penises.
Now looking at the bright side of having a daughter…
- She will be more likely to ensure I am well taken care of as an elderly person. She’ll house me in a nice nursing home and probably keep in touch with me.
- Apparently little girls tend to listen better to rules and are generally more well-behaved. We shall see. I threw some epic temper tantrums in the store.
- Dads with little girls are ridiculously precious.
- This is the first grand-daughter of my in-laws. Hopefully this means she’ll be spoiled rotten.
- Little girl dresses seem fairly easy to sew. Maybe I WILL actually start sewing!
I can’t think of the pros without thinking of some cons. So here are my thoughts on the bad that comes with little girls and how I plan to combat them…
- She could end up 16 and pregnant. I have nothing against young mothers but if my little girl ends up going off her chosen path of being a doctor well… we’re going to have some issues. Some suggestions I’ve received are:
* smash up birth control pills and slip them in her food.
* don’t pay for her braces. There is a good chance my daughter will have some jacked up teeth (this runs in Jeremy’s family) so I could just make her undesirable. Or I could go the extreme other way and make sure she wears headgear.
* pray that she is a lesbian.
- We have to pay for a wedding. I guess I should just start saving now? Or somehow spend my life encouraging her to go for a small wedding or maybe even tell her how her father and I paid for our own wedding because we were adults. I’m going to reinforce the importance of financial independence!