I’m NOT Sorry (things I’m going to stop apologizing or making excuses for)

Lately I’ve found myself constantly apologizing for things or making excuses for things related to parenthood.  And quite frankly – I’m tired of it.  A lot of it stemmed from my desire to be a laid-back parent.  A non-judgmental parent.  A simple parent.  But I’m not really any of those things outside of parenthood (I swear I’m working on the judgmental stuff though).

In chatting with some new parent friends – I have found that I’m not alone when it comes to apologizing for stuff.  So it ends today.  I am saying farewell to the following things I’ve been apologizing / making excuses for:

Asking Jeremy to do things for me or the baby. 

 In the beginning, I apologized incessantly for asking him to do some parenting duties.  I’m not sure why.  I think I just didn’t want to be one of those moms who immediately hands the baby off to her husband when he returns from work but you know what?  Sometimes I’m tired and sometimes I need a break (Jeremy has told me to stop apologizing).

Cloth diapering. 

We quasi-cloth diaper right now.  Katie was nice enough to give us 2 of her G diapers (and 2 packs of disposable inserts).  We also received 2 other sets of G diapers at one of our baby showers. 

We try to be as green as we can in our lifestyle.  Jeremy will probably tell you that I sometimes get a little crazy about it.  I’m always trying to figure out ways to reuse items (because I hate wasting stuff) or how I’ll hang onto a bottle of something because I know that I can squeeze out every ounce of product left in it.  When I hear / read about how many diapers people go through and how long it takes for them to biodegrade, I can’t help but feel guilty.  Yes, I suffer green guilt.

But people are very touchy about this topic.  I’ve gotten quite a few, “You’re not cloth diapering are you?” or “haha!  Good luck with that.”  So it has made me self-conscious about trying to cloth diaper and we’re not even full on cloth diapering! 

When people notice that Annmarie is wearing a cloth diaper, I have found myself saying, “oh – we’re just trying this out because we received some cloth diapers and disposable inserts for free.  We’re not like crazy cloth diaper people.” 

I’m stopping that right now.  Who cares if I choose to cloth diaper my child.  I’m not telling you what to do so don’t make me feel bad about my decision.  But as for our experience – it was difficult at first but now I’ve gotten into the groove and it isn’t bad at all.  Sure it takes a little more work than regular disposables (and we still use disposables – but we’re using Earth’s Best disposables) but it really isn’t that difficult.  But I say that based on my experience with the disposable (but biodegradable) inserts.  I haven’t braved the full on cloth experience yet.

My diaper bag. 

I have a Coach diaper bag.  I have this one to be exact:

The diaper bag was a gift from my mom’s best friend.  (quick side note – both my mom and her friend know that I don’t wear leather.  When she gave me this gift, she pointed out that it was canvas.  I didn’t have the heart to point out the leather straps.  Sometimes I know that it is better to bite my tongue and be gracious than to dispute a gift with a Korean lady.) 

I feel like a super yuppie carrying a fancy, overpriced diaper bag.  When people compliment it – I constantly say, “oh – it was a gift” as though I should feel bad about it.  I guess I just don’t want to be perceived as a high-maintenance mom but dammit, why am I explaining myself to strangers?  I’m stopping.

Do you find yourself apologizing for things that you really don’t need to be apologizing for?

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8 Comments

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8 responses to “I’m NOT Sorry (things I’m going to stop apologizing or making excuses for)

  1. Liz

    That question at the end reminded me that I recently found myself apologizing to someone for having feelings for them. Hah.

    Anyway, all I have to say about this decision is ‘Good for you.’ You’re right; you shouldn’t have to explain yourself to anyone. If they judge you, or think differently of you because of the way you choose to do things (…or the diaper bag you carry), then that’s their hang-up. No point in stressing over it, or letting them make you feel bad.

    Also, I think it’s awesome that you’re trying to be as green as possible. I can imagine it would be quite difficult. Kudos!

  2. Hi, I fist commented on your blog when you announced you were pregnant as I had just found out I was pregnant as well. We ended up delivering on the same day, my Ava James was born at 7:27 AM on Feb 5th. It was great reading your blog through my pregnancy and realizing someone was else was going through the same crazy things as I.
    I had to comment on this post as I too find myself apologizing all of the time!!! I am sorry for being tired, not keeping the house clean even though I am on maternity leave, asking my husband for help, etc., etc. I wish everyone understood how hard new parenthood can be and how exhausting it is. The one thing I will not aplogize for is using cloth diapers. Not only is it green, but it is a heck of a lot cheaper!!! I am not sure if you have checked out the Flip System (www.cottonbabies.com), but it is awesome! The covers were designed with a snap system that actually grows with the baby so you do not have to invest in new covers as your baby grows. We made an initial investment of about $250 in covers and inserts and this should carry us almost all the way through diapering. This sure beats the est. $2000 we would have spent the first year in diapers. For those who shun cloth diapering, I say poo on them. They are missing out!!!

  3. Moms of newborns don’t need to apologize. For anything. People need to chill out and give us a break!

    About cloth diapering – you can totally do it! We started with gDiapers, too (and occasionally still use them when I am lazy), but found that the real cloth is much preferred. And really, we used disposables until at least 4 months before I felt like I wanted to take on the challenge. I love knowing that other people want to cloth diaper, too!

    P.S. In the most random, un-stalkerish way possible, I had to tell you that I had a dream about you and Maria V. the other night – I was a bumbling idiot and you guys were both still nice to me. :)

  4. Meredith

    This made me laugh because yesterday at the gym the girl on the treadmill next to me fell off her treadmill (she’d gotten off it to retrieve something she’d dropped and thought she had paused it but didn’t). So this poor girl goes flying and the gym manager comes running over to make sure she is okay and she keeps saying to him ‘I’m sorry’. It’s funny how some of us apologize for things we don’t need to be apologizing for.

    You keep rocking your Coach bag and cloth diapers and don’t give a crap what anyone has to say about it!!

  5. I often feel guilty whenever I tell my son to go play with nanny while mommy is cleaning up the messy house. But, lately I’ve let go of the guilt and hear my son laughing with the nanny. Turns out, the decision was a win-win situation for both me and my son. :)

  6. Shanea

    Well you seem to be discovering that there is a lot of judging going on when you have children…what they wear, how you feed them, where they go to school or not etc. It all seems to be up for discussion. Good step on not apologizing, I always say that I am doing what works best for my family and that may or may not be what works for your family. I breastfed my son way past a year, I have been cloth diapering for over 2 yrs, I wear my son in a carrier as often as possible and well we just do what works for us. No apologies, ever!
    Congratulations and welcome to the best club ever ;)

  7. Speaking from a woman who eats food dropped on the floor and likes to stick tape to the back of her cat’s neck, you hear no judgement from me.

    I can understand why you feel like you’re being judged, though. Having a new baby brings a lot of attention, and a lot of attention to the way you interact with the baby. But it’s your baby, damnit, you do what you feel is right.

    (I reserve the right, though, to make fun of Jeremy if he carries Annmarie in one of those swaddling slings. Because while fatherhood is manly, I’m pretty sure you have to trade in your testicles if you’re a dude who wears a swaddling sling.)

  8. Vanessa

    Although I’m not a mother yet(not for a while),I appreciate your blog.

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