I have less than one month left on my maternity leave. While I oftentimes tell people that I think my lack of adult interaction has turned my brain to mush – I can’t stand the idea of returning to work. I didn’t think I’d be one of those weeping moms (and I wasn’t when Annmarie got her 2 month immunizations and screamed like I’ve never heard her scream before), but the idea of me potentially missing a bunch of her “firsts” really breaks me heart.
And then I’m plagued with other crazy questions like…
(1) Will she love her daycare provider more than me? Will she confuse her as her mom?
(2) Will the daycare provider actually do a substantial amount of tummy time with her or will she just stick her in a swing or bouncy chair all day? I’ve recently become obsessed with flat head syndrome. I’ve seen a number of babies recently with some very large flat spots on their heads and unless the baby has a medical condition that keeps them on their backs, I worry when I see these in other babies. At a shower, I saw a little boy whose head was totally flat in the back and as far as I knew of this baby – he was perfectly healthy. So how did that happen and how can I prevent it? At Annie’s 2 month visit, the pediatrician noted that she had “mild flatness” but said it as a completely normal “don’t freak out” thing. But I’m sort of freaking out. And she’s recently started hating tummy time so this is tough.
(3) What if the daycare provider is mean to Annie? How will I know this? I imagine watching a couple of babies is difficult. What if she’s mean to her?
I realize I’m crazy. I think I’m just starting to feel an overwhelming sense of guilt. Is that what motherhood is about? Constant guilt?
I’ll tell you another thing motherhood has brought out in me. Cheapness. I went to a local flea market/consignment sale type of event for children’s gear (TotSwap). While I was digging through baby girl clothes, I was appalled that people were asking for anything above $5 for USED clothing. I saw the cutest (and dorkiest / potential blackmail material for when Annie gets older) little sailor girl dress but it was priced at $8. It was used! Jeremy accused me of being cheap and I realized that I totally am when it comes to baby clothes. It probably doesn’t help that I’m currently on unpaid maternity leave.
Whoa – this post is a little ramble-y, isn’t it? Here’s my last ramble for today. I watched both Tron movies this weekend. I’m not into these types of movies by any means but it was funny to see how different special effects have become since 1982. The original Tron was SO bad and they really tried to sexy-fy and update the sequel in some hip-modern way that it also seemed corny to me. What the sequel really lacked was Tron Guy. I wonder how bad special effects of today will look in 30 years? Will our kids laugh at how lame our movies are?