Tag Archives: baby

Pregnancy #2 and the Guilt that Comes with It

I think it comes as no surprise that I feel guilty about stuff. I’m easily guilted into things and just feel guilty ALL OF THE TIME. I think my mom has done a real bang-up job on hammering the whole guilt thing into me (despite how mean people think I can be to her).

I’ve been feeling a lot of guilt lately around caring for my mom, not making more of my last few months wtih my dad (because, really, who knew he was going to die?) and now? Now I feel guilty about having another baby.

I want another child. I’ve wanted this since AM was a few months old. I wanted her to have a sibling somewhat close in age so that she’d always have someone to play with. She’d always have someone who can relate to her when she complains about her horribly embarrassing parents. And especially, she’d have someone to help her manage her ailing parents when we’re too old to care for ourselves (or when I inevitably get Alzheimer’s or cancer as I’m predicting will happen to me).

I found out I was pregnant in mid May. I spent the first 2 weeks in shock. I wanted it but I guess I just wasn’t anticipating that it would happen for a few more months. Then I went into a fury about MOVING. We had to move. We had no space in our house. So for a few weeks, I obsessed over real estate. And then, my dad died. And I sort of spiraled into this feeling of hopelessness. My dreams of moving to the ideal suburban area was crushed and I was now faced with caring for a 67 year old woman who was grieving.

And then just like that, I was nearly half way through this pregnancy.

Guys. I am nearly (and I’m talking just days away) from being officially halfway through my pregnancy.

I feel guilty that I should be making more out of the time we have left as a family of 3. We should be soaking up every moment of having just 1 child (and her experiencing the joys of being an only child).

I feel guilty that when the new baby arrives, AM will not longer have my undivided attention. My attention is now divided and will always be going forward.

I feel guilty that I may miss some wonderful things AM says and does because my attention is now spread.

Did we rush this? Should we have waited until she was a little older?

Sometimes I look at AM and I get a little teary-eyed. She is my baby. Even when she’s throwing an epic temper tantrum (like she did last week at the mall complete with flailing around on the ground), I still look at her as my one and only. How will this dynamic change with another child?

So yeah. Lots of mom guilt going on right now.

And even worse? I still can’t devote making the most out of having just 1 child. Our free time now is devoted to helping my mom, cleaning out her house, etc. We’re always so busy now. And my heart breaks a little more each time I realize that this time is moving at warp speed.

Weeee
(not to get all artsy fartsy but I thought the blurriness of this photo perfectly captured how I feel about AM’s rapid growth.)

IMG_20120812_161330.jpg

Every night before I go to bed, I go into AM’s room and look at her sweet sleeping face. I usually put my hand on her chest or back to feel her heartbeat. I realize that this sounds absolutely insane, but I can’t help myself. Those are the minutes I take to soak in my only child. With all of this guilt mounting, I find myself getting choked up when I do this crazy routine. Will this change when I’m balancing 2 kids?

IMG_20120510_211318.jpg

And the other guilt I feel is the guilt over the fact that I feel guilty! Gah! I can’t win. I feel guilty about feeling guilty about pregnancy #2 when there are people I know struggling to conceive AT ALL and here I am with another wee one on the way. Or friends who would love to expand their family but specific circumstances prevent them from doing so right now.

How do some people go through life without feeling guilty over everything?

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Catching Up

I know I alluded to lots of changes happening in the Charm City household… and these changes have been keeping me busy. And then coupling that with the fact that daycare has been closed these past 2 weeks, I haven’t had any time to blog.

So this is just a quick catch up for those that may still be checking in.

I actually did a photo dump from our small point and shoot camera the other day and totally forgot that we had pictures from our trip to Washington, D.C. on there. We did a quick tour of D.C. with my aunt who was in town for my dad’s funeral since she’d never been to Maryland or D.C. before. And it was balls hot out that day. Like 100 degrees hot.
Abe Lincoln!

I was worried that AM wouldn’t last but she was a little trooper. Next time though, I’ll hold off on touring cities until it is much cooler.

It is crazy to look back at a photo from just a little over a month ago and realize that (1) AM no longer fits into the shoes she was wearing in the photo and (2) she no longer users the pacifier outside of the house. So many changes. Seriously though – her feet are growing like crazy this summer.

More recently, we visited the Maryland Zoo last week. It is hard to plan this types of outings with AM now since she naps from 12pm – around 3pm every day. We hate disrupting this because her mood definitely is impacted based on whether she had a good nap or not. This means we usually have to split our activities to things in the morning and things in the late afternoon/early evening.

We figured AM would only be into the zoo for like 2 hours anyways and we were so wrong.

She did a lot of this:
Pointing at unknown animals

And this:
Pointing at birds

And some more of this:
Looking at zebras

It was really difficult to pull her away from exhibits. She’d see an animal, point and say something. She would also insist that I hold her up so she could get a better look. And for some reason she was all about ME holding her up this day and not dad.
Looking at turtles

And the ONLY way we could get her to move on to the next area was with the promise of her seeing “more animals”. (She now says “more” and completely understands the concept)

We actually had to trick her into leaving the zoo willingly by saying we were going to go see “more” (we didn’t say animals but she isn’t hip to our word trickery just yet). When we got halfway to the parking lot you could see the instant she realized we were leaving and she had a total meltdown. I think it is safe to say that she likes looking at animals.

We also took her to her 18 month check-up and learning that she’s still measuring in the 90-95% for height and weight (yowza!). Apparently she’s measuring on point with the average height of a 27 month old. That is insane to me. Our pediatrician also made some comment about how we’ll probably end up having 4-6 kids. Um… let’s see how we do with 2 first.

Lastly – I haven’t really been posting stuff on Facebook. I think right around the time my dad died, I didn’t want to share his death as a status update and get inundated with messages of condolences from people with which I don’t keep in close contact. But that also means I haven’t shared my pregnancy news either. I went to a baby shower this past weekend completely forgetting the fact that I haven’t seen many people in awhile and I think it shocked a few folks. It is amazing how much people rely on Facebook for news on friends. (and I totally rely on it to stalk people!)

Do you share big news on Facebook? Do you enjoy “stalking” old friends and acquaintances as much as I do?

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Comparing Pregnancies

I was warned by my OB during my first pregnancy that all pregnancies are different. She wasn’t just referring to pregnancies of various women, she also meant that the same woman can have very different pregnancies.

Here are just a few of the big difference I’ve been experiencing:

Morning Sickness:
Pregnancy 1: Had nausea but no vomiting for a few weeks in the first trimester. I survived on saltines.
Pregnancy 2: Extreme nausea followed by vomiting. There were a couple of weeks where I couldn’t hold anything down except potatoes and white rice.

Energy:
Pregnancy 1: Exhaustion in first trimester but then felt great once I entered the 2nd trimester.
Pregnancy 2: Exhaustion ALL THE TIME. Holy balls, I’m tired.

Fitness:
Pregnancy 1: Worked out at least 5 days a week that always included at least 30 minutes of non-stop cardio (either running or elliptical). I was jogging at least 30 minutes non-stop until 2 weeks before I gave birth.
Pregnancy 2: Did you see my comments about energy? Granted, a lot of this has to do with scheduling now that we have a toddler so I’m not able to get to the gym first thing in the morning 5 days a week (just 2 right now). And I can’t seem to jog non-stop for extended periods of time. The best I can eek out now is jogging 1 mile then walking 1/4 mile. I try to jog for a total of 3.25 miles.

Weight Gain:
Pregnancy 1: I gained a total of 23 pounds.
Pregnancy 2: Obviously I still have a ways to go but based on my 14 week weigh-in, I’m 3 lbs ahead of where I was last time. This shocked me due to my extreme sickness in the beginning… but then I remembered how little I was working out and how much I’m grazing now.

Belly:
Pregnancy 1: I don’t think my belly actually “popped” until about 17 weeks. I just looked thick in the middle for awhile.
Pregnancy 2: I’d say my belly “popped” at 10 weeks. THIS IS F’N CRAZY.

Pain:
Pregnancy 1: I didn’t experience any real physical discomfort until I got quite large (towards the end of my 2nd trimester). I had issues with sciatica.
Pregnancy 2: I’m achy all the time although I think this is just attributed to my low energy. I’ve had my back “go out” twice already (I’m currently experiencing some serious issues).

The other thing about this pregnancy is that I’m already seeing how baby #2 is getting jipped. Before I had posted my exciting pregnancy news all over Facebook, I had printouts of the sonogram all over my desk and documented my belly growth every week (in The Belly Book).

For this pregnancy? I haven’t posted anything on Facebook (although that has more to do with my general distaste for FB these days). I haven’t posted any sono pics at my desk (although they’re on my refrigerator!). As for a belly book? Ha!

Granted, I’ve been under an extreme amount of stress this past month with my dad dying and dealing with caring for my mother (that is a post for another day). So maybe some of the exhaustion and pain is related to the stress.

And now for some recent pictures of Annmarie…
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Annmarie was trying to climb up this structure but it just looks like she’s surfing.

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This was taken by the Vietnam War Memorial in DC. It looks like she’s having a “moment” with the statue.

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She really enjoys climbing into the toy box at my mom’s house. I don’t get it.

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Having a Shitty Time

One of the downsides of cloth diapering is dealing with certain types of poop. While most of Annmarie’s bowel movements are “solid” and easily flushable, there are times when the poop is not that cooperative.

I found myself on Monday night handwashing poop out of Annmarie’s diapers. The diaper sprayer wasn’t doing an effective job. I literally had my hands in her shit and was washing/scraping out the poopy bits in the toilet (because I can’t put it in the washing machine like that).

If that doesn’t define a mother’s love, I don’t know what does. And I sort of feel like I need to call my mom to tell her I love her.

You can say the same thing about pets. Due to the heavy rain, my dogs would not do their business outdoors. This means I came home to poop in their kennel. After scrubbing out the poop and bathing the dogs, I found myself handwashing poop out of Annmarie’s diapers again.

So there. My life has been shit for the past couple of days.

And yet despite all of this – I want another baby. Annmarie certainly keeps me on my toes and she is definitely starting to push the boundaries of her independence… but I look back on pictures of her as a newborn and get weepy. I hear of new pregnancies and my body aches a little bit. I think of my current situation as my parents’ future sole caregiver (since I’m pretty much an only child) and feel sad that I don’t have a sibling.

Guys, to quote Marisa Tomei…

my biological clock is ticking like this (imagine me stomping my foot).

If you’re wondering where this is coming from – this has been brewing for awhile but one of my favorite bloggers (whose son is a month and a half older than Annmarie) just announced her pregnancy. I’m trying not to get crazy emotional (just ask Jeremy about the first experience of trying to get pregnant – lots of hysteria on my part) but it isn’t getting any easier. I’m also staring down the age of 32. I know that isn’t ancient but once you cross 35, you get placed in a different maternal health category (i.e. you are considered a higher risk patient due to your age. ouch.)

I wish I had something more upbeat to write about but this has been eating away at me for awhile. I can’t not share this part of me because I really have nothing else to write about (outside of Annmarie stuff but I don’t want to bore everyone with just AM updates).

I’ll end this with pictures of Annmarie!

Hanging in the kennel
Annmarie enjoys going in the dogs’ kennel and hanging out. She usually shuts the door to the gate and sits in there for a few minutes. I think the dogs sometimes worry that she’s taking over their special space.

Fountain at Patterson Park
Walking with dad in the park

Petie waits for food

One of her new things that she’s been doing is grabbing my hand and pulling me to where she wants to go. If I’m sitting on the couch or the floor, she’ll grab my hand and tug until I get up. Then she’ll walk over to wherever (usually the kitchen for food).

What’s been on your mind lately?

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On Wanting a Big Family

I hung out with one of my childhood friends yesterday. I hadn’t seen her in years (because she doesn’t live in the area anymore) so when she called to say she was in the area visiting her parents, I didn’t hesitate to take a half day at work.

My friend has 5 kids. They are 8, 7, 6, 2 and 18 months old. The first 3 were born 14 months apart.

When I hear “5 kids”, I just think, “that is crazy!“, “how exhausting!“, “I couldn’t do that.

But let me tell you… my friend’s kids were SO sweet. They were rambunctious and fun. They all got along great. They all looked out for each other. They were SO sweet with Annmarie (despite Annmarie sometimes swatting at them).

Guys. It made me want a big family.

Annmarie was really beating up on the 2 year old but due to having lots of siblings (and apparently getting into many fights with his 18 month old sister), he was TOTALLY fine with Annmarie. It probably helped that he was a big kid (he wears size 5T clothing).

I asked my friend how she felt about having 5 kids and having some be so close in age. She said it was tough for a bit but that she loves how close they all are now. My friend is such a laid back mom too. She and I definitely seem to share similar parenting styles (and seeing how sweet and well adjusted her older kids are, I feel good about my parenting style).

I really wished my friend lived closer so Annmarie could have some more friends (especially more friends that looked like her… my friend’s children are also mixed Asian/white kids).

I mentioned that I’ve hit a new slew of preggo people in my life. And I’ve also mentioned that I’ve been itching for another baby for quite some time now. (I’m not pregnant, btw) But I’m currently trying to run through a list of justifications on why I shouldn’t want to be pregnant right now.

  • We need to move but we don’t know where since we need to see where Jeremy lands a sweet attorney gig.
  • I don’t want another winter baby. Being on maternity leave during the cold season sucks. I had massive cabin fever but it was too cold to go anywhere.
  • I don’t want another baby near large gift giving holidays. Even though AM’s birthday is in February, we were STILL going through her Christmas gifts. Have I mentioned we live in a tiny home? Plus, as a person with a summer birthday, I always enjoyed the nice mid year celebration with gifts.
  • I want a baby that has a birthday during the warm season so they can enjoy having birthday parties outdoors and so we can both enjoy maternity leave (by spending more time outdoors!).
  • Daycare!  While we don’t pay a ton now, doubling that is still quite a bit of money.

I know that none of you care about my list but these are things I have to keep telling myself when I get the weepies over wanting another baby RIGHTTHISSECOND.

On that note, I’ll end this post with pictures of Annmarie.

whooo!
We scoped out the neighborhood park on Sunday. Normally it is littered with the neighborhood riff raff so I avoid it at all costs. But on Sunday it was empty. It was surprisingly clean (something that my neighborhood never is).

Swinging at the park
Look at those choppers!

AM Bathroom rearranging
Annmarie LOVES going through the bathroom drawers. Despite having childproof latches on them, she can still pull things out. This mess, however, was her digging through the bottom drawer that she can never open. Jeremy thinks he must have left it slightly ajar and she was able to pull the whole thing open.

AM Bathroom rearranging
I swear Annmarie has real toys but here is another day of her playing in the bathroom. This time she decided she wanted to do some light reading of Glamour, People and Men’s Health.

And this is where my friend and I share similar parenting styles. I’m big on letting Annmarie explore things and roam about the house (obviously with me still in the room or her within my line of vision). I’ve replaced all accessible drawers with non life threatening items (no knives, medication, etc.). We replaced our shoe storage just to keep it out of sight (since she always wanted to play with shoes and I didn’t like the idea of her touching the bottoms of the shoes since they’ve traversed all over the city).

I don’t want to spend her entire childhood grabbing her hands and yelling, “noooo!” I like her curiosity. I like her toddler bravery. I feel like constantly pulling her away from things and yelling, “no” will only lead to her being a nervous and skittish child. And seeing that my friend’s 5 kids are all alive and thriving, I’m confident that I’m doing the right thing for me (I know not everyone agrees).

So anywho. (stepping down from soapbox)

P.S.

You may have noticed I didn’t get Pinteractive this week.  I started to (with some sewing projects) but haven’t completed anything.  Well, I completed a baby skirt out of black jersey fabric (since I bought a lot but apparently not enough to make an adult sized maxi skirt).  I followed the maxi skirt instructions loosely but made the skirt knee length on Annmarie.  But I totally f’ed up the waistband and sewed it on upside down/inside out.  So I didn’t take a picture because it looks dumb.

However, I have almost completed a toddler dress (that involved SHIRRING fabric.  I am the shirring master!).  I’m pretty excited about it because I was able to recycle a torn crib sheet into an adorable dress.  I’ll post a pic soon.

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Dancing Machine (and other random parenting stuff)

Another post about Annmarie! You’ve been warned.

Lately she’s been doing a lot of what I am assuming is dancing. She does this weird sumo stance and slowly bobs up and down. This video doesn’t do it justice but take my word when I say it is the cutest thing ever.

She’s also started to sit on the stairs. While I realize that it doesn’t sound very amazing or interesting, Jeremy and I think it is incredibly adorable (since just about everything she does is adorable in our eyes… not that we’re biased or anything).

She walks backwards to the stairs, slowly eases herself down and then sits completely. I love it.
AM sitting

Our plan to move Annmarie from her bottles of milk to sippy cups of milk fell apart when she was sick on Friday. It seemed she wanted a lot of comfort this weekend and as much as I hate typing this (and saying it out loud is even worse), she finds “sucking” to be very soothing.

Off topic of Annmarie but still in the realm of parenting, I read this article today and it really struck a nerve with me. I was SO guilty of this (not wanting a daughter) but now cannot imagine my life without a little girl.

When Women Don’t Want Daughters

Now I’m feeling a little empowered with my baby girl. I’ve encountered a 2nd surge of pregnant friends and coworkers (seriously, I know of 7 people currently pregnant) and am all wishing them happy and healthy baby girls (although I already know that 2 of them are having boys so I’m wishing them a happy and healthy baby boy!).

And lastly, I’m moving the topic towards vegetarianism and parenting. If you know me, you know that I’m a vegetarian. I’m not a vegan although I don’t eat a lot of dairy. Jeremy is a vegetarian. We feed Annmarie a vegetarian diet.

People used to give me a hard time about it but, surprisingly, nobody has said anything since Annmarie has been born. Regardless, this comment (on a blog I frequent) regarding their decision to feed their child a vegetarian diet was so spot on.  I want to print this out and carry it around with me in case anyone questions my decision.  I also love appreciate the commenter’s stance on her child’s potential to “experience” with foods outside of the household norm because I completely share her perspective.

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Picture Post – AM’s weekend

The countdown to AM’s first birthday party has officially started and I am panicking. There is so much to do and I feel completely overwhelmed by it all.

I realize that it is sort of silly to go overboard with a first birthday party especially since the child will not remember it. But for Koreans, it is totally different. This isn’t just a birthday party. This is a very traditional Korean celebration (hence all the panic). My mom rented a Korean banquet hall and it is being catered. I have a photographer… for a child’s birthday party (this was the ONE requirement my mom told me I had to have).

I’ve spent the last month looking up images of over the top Korean 1st birthdays, harassing my only Korean friend (and her friends) and getting major hand cramps from all of the stupid crafts I’ve decided were a good idea to have on hand.

I’m already at 56 adults confirmed for coming (when I told the caterer only 45 people were coming) and 14 children (ranging in age from 9 months to 12 years). Have I mentioned I’m freaking out? I feel like I’m hosting a small wedding reception. I also realized over the weekend that I left a bunch of people off the invites. I was in such a hurry to get it out on FB (and then Evite) that I wasn’t paying close attention to the guest list. I realized this when I received a response from a close family friend but nothing from his sister (who is generally very good about responding). I reached out to her and she never got the invite. And then I went back over the list and realized I left some folks off. So if you’re a friend in real life reading this and you didn’t see an invite, I am SO sorry. It wasn’t intentional.

And holy hell, my mom just told me what she’s paying for this party. Yikes. And now I feel oodles of child guilt and Jeremy is mad that I feel guilty over something that I didn’t agree to (paying for the party).

Anyways.

I paid a visit to Party City on Saturday to pick up some party supplies. I spent a good chunk of time putting things on AM for my own amusement (but only managed to snap a photo of 3 because she her fists of fury wouldn’t keep anything on long enough for me to snap a photo):

Jeremy thought this was inappropriate
This look says, “Are you f’n kidding me, mom?” Jeremy thought it was inappropriate for there to be baby-sized bunny ears (since the first thing everyone thinks is “Playboy Bunny”).

Elton John?
I’m a pinball wizard… no? Just me?

Flamingos
Looks like someone is ready to party!

Now onto other not super interesting stuff but I still love it because it is about my baby.

Annmarie has started hanging out in this space between our sofa and large chair in the living room. We shoved her old play mat thingy back there and at first, she was just crawling back there and messing with the play mat. But now she actually takes toys back with her. Sometimes she even takes a snack.
AM's new spot
Petie knows to follow AM around when she’s got her snack trap… since she leaves a trail of puffs wherever she goes. Plus she gives him some treats every now and then.

Secret Hiding Spot
Why are you still taking photos of me in my secret spot, dad?!

So because we thought it was cute that she had a little hiding spot, when we saw this tent at Ikea on Sunday we thought it was perfect. When we saw it, it was packed full of kids so we thought it could possibly fit in the corner of our living room (if we did a little rearranging) or her bedroom.

But then we put it together and realized it was massive.
New hiding spot

As predicted, she frickin’ loves this thing. She dragged a bunch of things into the tent. She also played a game of peek a boo for awhile (that was melt your heart adorable). But we need to find this a new location. The kitchen just isn’t working.

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Childproofing – Hide, Block and Lock

Quick update – AM’s middle of the night wake-ups have seemed to gone away for the most part. I appreciate the comments and after much searching online, followed the advice of many parents and stopped picking her up out of the crib. Putting her back down (since she’s usually standing and crying) and just rubbing her belly had her falling back asleep within 10 minutes. Hallelujah (although I’d be happier if she just slept through the night).

And now…

Big news, people – AM is walking!

I realize she isn’t the most graceful creature (and while it isn’t entirely obvious, she seems to really dig doing a side step). I know it’ll take more practice for her but what this means is…

… SHE IS WAY MORE FRICKIN’ MOBILE.

Not only is she walking, she enjoys (and I mean throws a tantrum if you try to stop her) crawling up the stairs.

Ooh what's this?

We have a somewhat open stair case (see picture) so this is really scary.
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Due to the setup of the stairs, a typical baby gate won’t work. We’re looking around but so far I’ve had to resort to this:
My temporary baby gate
(please excuse the mess – Hurricane Annmarie terrorized the living room and I quickly had to move the pack & play in front of the stairs)

So between the mobility, desire to risk her short little life on unsecure steps… she also loves to get into drawers and cabinets.

I mentioned that we installed the safety latches (similar to these) and they don’t seem to work on all the drawers.

And then I presented the dilemma with the kitchen cart. Well I took your advice and bought some tension rods and sewed some curtains. Apparently hiding things makes them magically childproofed.
kitchen cart curtain

She couldn’t get enough of trying to pull things off of these shelves but now hasn’t bothered to touch the cart.

I also did this with the wine tower. Before she would always pull the bottles out and now she doesn’t even touch it:
Curtain for wine cabinet

(Did you notice that I used the same fabric from the cart and combined it with the kitchen curtains? I did this because I didn’t have enough of the kitchen cart fabric but I like the look – it makes it fancier.)

And here’s a better view of the kitchen curtains. I’m still not sure how I feel about the bunching.
kitchen curtain

So that’s it. That’s how we’ve childproofed so far. I’m looking for a gate that is only 23″ in height (or at least adjustable to be that short). We have gates at the top of the stairs and the top of the basement stairs since a standard gate would fit (actually – the gate to the basement stairs was installed to keep the dogs out).

Feel free to leave a comment about how AM clearly looks like she’ll be a star athlete (that will be awarded college scholarships and multi-million endorement deals) judging by her wobbly steps or how amazing my curtains look and how I should try out for Project Runway: Housewares.

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Bad Baby

Just when you feel like you’ve got the whole parenting thing under control… BAM. Your baby decides to deliver you a big “f you” and throws everything off balance.

Where do I begin? Let’s start with sleep.

AM hasn’t been a good napper at home for as long as I can remember. I haven’t been successful at getting her to nap at home since she has started daycare. Even if I can tell she’s exhausted (rubbing eyes, toddling around like she’s drunk) – if I put her down in her crib, she FLIPS OUT. Her cries are hysterical. I can count on 2 hands how many times I’ve been able to get her to nap in her crib in the last 8 months.

But apparently she naps just fine at daycare.

However, the napping thing has never been that big of an issue for me since she has always (since 6 weeks) been a fantastic night sleeper. I’ve always said how lucky we are to have such a great sleeper. apparently she thought I was getting cocky and wanted to put me in my place…

I think things started Thursday night. After I layed her in her crib, she started to cry as I was walking out the door. This was unusual but I was able to get her to relax by hanging back and just rubbing her belly for a minute.

But then she woke up at 2am. Because this was so unusual, I checked on her (despite the cry not being hysterical) and she was standing in her crib with her arms up (indicating she wants to be picked up). So I picked her up and tried to rock her to sleep. I was successful but as soon as I laid her in her crib… she freaked again. It took an hour to get her back to bed. She woke up again around 5am and I just stayed up with her.

Friday night. Same thing. I layed her down and she cried when I started to leave. I had to hang back and rub her belly for a few minutes until she relaxed and left.

3am crying. We thought that perhaps she’s in pain? We gave her ibuprofen. No change. I fed her. no change. We changed her diaper. No change. I was with her for an HOUR.

Saturday night. Can you guess? SAME F’N THING. We went through the whole routine but it is clear that there is nothing physically wrong with her.

I would rub her back and as she started to nod off to sleep, she would jerk her head up to make sure I was still there. Another HOUR of hanging back in her room.

Last night I declared that we would let her cry it out. Yes yes, I am a terrible person. But her cries are not the hysterical “I’m in pain!” cries. I know those cries. But she kept it up for nearly 30 minutes. I went into her room and rubbed her back. Another 30 minutes.

And on top of this newfound “I hate sleep” attitude, she’s also turned into a BITER. I have THAT child.

Here’s Hannibal Lector eyeballing her friend, sock Monkey…
Week 50 Outtake

And then she chomps down…
Week 50 Jan 22 2012

So now imagine that the sock monkey in an 18 month old boy. And imagine that you think your sweet little baby is just giving him a sloppy kiss on the cheek. And then after you’ve “aaaawwed!” you see the look of pain and terror in the little boy’s eyes and see a chunk of his cheek in between your baby’s teeth.

Yeah, that.

GUys, I don’t know what to do (between the sleeping and the biting of other children).

She doesn’t have a fever. She isn’t showing any signs of teething. Someone suggested a growth spurt but I’m not sure. She does seem to eat more during the day but I’ve been trying to keep up. However, when I feed her at night – she is still upset when I try to put her into her crib.

A part of me thinks it seems like she’s showing signs of separation anxiety but she doesn’t do this anywhere else.

I am baffled. And very very very very very (did I mention very?) tired.

Please offer some words of wisdom.

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On Judging Parents

I made a declaration a couple of weeks ago to Jeremy. I claimed that since having Annmarie, I’ve become a nicer person. And since saying that, I’ve said some really crappy things about total strangers. Whoops.

I’ve also started saying, “I really try not to judge other people’s parenting but…” Ha! I swore I would not be that parent but I’m totally turning into one. I need to cut this out. I don’t like it. That phrase is almost as annoying as, “No offense, but…” As though the first statement somehow excuses whatever cattiness comes out next.

I’m stopping it right now mostly in light of some recent comments/actions that have been made/done to me. I know that not everybody agrees with some of the stuff I do and I am happy not agreeing with some of the stuff other parents do (and I don’t make a big deal out of it). So why the comments? Why do I feel the need to dish? I think it is because I’ve been holed up with the baby for awhile and with Jeremy studying for the bar, I just need to get out more and hang with other parents with babies.

So last week, I was in Best Buy and an old woman (she said she had grandchildren) was in line behind me. She asked how old AM was and then reached over and pulled out AM’s pacifier.  Um… what?  Surprisingly, I didn’t flip out or anything and that was mostly because the woman was Indian and I totally get that whole cultural line crossing as is common with Koreans. The woman commented that pacifiers are bad and told me some story about how her grandson’s teeth are messed up because he sucks his thumb.

I sucked my thumb until I was 6. I actually remember sucking my thumb (so that should tell you that I am well aware of how long I kept at it). And my teeth are fine. I’ve never had braces. I don’t even have an oral fixation. I am FINE. But I know not everyone agrees with pacifiers.

I read some facebook comment recently from a somewhat new mom saying that she “caved” and gave her baby a pacifier. She went on about how she really didn’t want to ever give her baby a pacifier and all I could think was, “when did pacifiers equate to crystal meth?

Seriously.

Then at the dermatologist’s office last week (I finally went to a doc about my jacked up skin. His diagnosis? “It’s irritated.” Wow, no kidding? I’m glad I waited nearly a month to see you for that very specific diagnosis), the derm made a somewhat snide comment.

I had asked why I reacted so badly to a cream I’ve used previously with no issue. He mentioned that breastfeeding probably caused hormonal changes so I reacted differently. He then asked, “How old is your baby?” I replied, “11 months.” He scoffed at me and said, “Well you’ll be stopping that very soon, right?

Last I checked, you were a dermatologist and not a pediatrician.

So – I got checked twice last week. Therefore, I’m going to stop all my “I try not to judge other people’s parenting…” comments.

With that said, Annmarie has spent the last 2 months feeling somewhat sick. She finally seems over it and is happy nearly all the time. It is great!

She’s also started using this cheap-o walker toy that we bought last month. I just wished we had more room for it (beware – she screams RIDICULOUSLY loud at the end):

And just because this made me laugh…
So not into taking a weekly photo

Annmarie is very schedule oriented when it comes to bed time. We had neglected to take her weekly photo until the end of the day on Sunday. I figured we’d squeeze it in after her bath and before she ate. She was NOT having it.  (And this is where other parents might judge me.  I find it funny sometimes when AM cries.  Obviously not if she’s hurt but moments like the one pictured above are funny to me.)

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