The 2nd One Always Gets the Shaft

Guys – we are in the homestretch with this pregnancy. I’m technically “full term” right now. My how time flies.

And you know what? We haven’t done ANYTHING to set up for the new baby.

With knowing we’re having another girl and one so close in age to Annmarie, we didn’t feel it necessary to buy a bunch of new things. However, we’re realizing there are some basics we nearly forgot about… like diapers. Whoops.

The new baby’s room is currently filled with leftover furniture for which we had no landing spot yet. We also had to move some furniture in the room to accomodate the Christmas tree. But all of that needs to move!

I need to rewash and reorganize baby clothes!
I need to set up my diaper station (yes, AM is still in diapers but she isn’t exactly soiling diapers every 30 minutes like a newborn).

And now with the explosion of Christmas toys for Annmarie, we really need to reorganize toys (including getting rid of some stuff) to pull out any infant items that we can stash away for the new baby.

Am I panicked? Just a bit.

I’m having a bonus sonogram on Friday because my belly didn’t grow at all between visits. This seemed to concern my OB so she wants to verify that the fluid levels aren’t dropping. Some people think this sonogram will result in being admitted to the hospital. Ack!

We JUST agreed on a name (although I’m sure I’ll still go back and forth on some others).

I just remember being way more prepared when I was pregnant with Annmarie. This baby is really getting shafted here in terms of care and attention so far.

I still view Annmarie as “my baby” so it is still surreal to me that in less than a month, she’ll be considered the “big girl” and I’ll be walking around in zombie mom fashion with a newborn.

We took a bunch of video on Christmas of Annmarie and as I looked through the camera for previous videos, I realized we hadn’t filmed anything since the previous Christmas! It was crazy to see Annmarie as an infant. Because now she’s a Chatty Cathy that looks like this:

When did this happen?

Pregnancy Update (because apparently I’m terrible at updating people)

The other day I posted this picture on Instagram with the following caption:

“AM insists on eating frozen waffles. She takes a bite out of each one then places them on my belly.  My belly has become her food shelf. #pregnant”

I got a few comments asking me about the baby’s sex and that’s when I realized that I really dropped the ball with this news.  I guess in the age of social media and everyone oversharing on Facebook or Twitter, people expect this type of news asap! (me included, btw)  But after my dad died, I got really turned off by the idea of posting these types of things on Facebook.  Don’t get me wrong, I still love reading everybody else’s updates but I really didn’t want to read through comments from old acquaintances that I haven’t spoken to in years (and yet somehow accepted their “friend” request).

Also – I belong to a private group on Facebook with other women that are all roughly due around the same time.  I commiserate and share pregnancy updates with them (so I guess in my head I am already sharing updates through social media).

With all of that said… I’m going to provide some updates.  I remember my blog turning into a pregnancy blog when I was pregnant with Annmarie.  I don’t want to give off the impression that this pregnancy is any less special.  So here we go (feel free to close the browser now!).

Here is what I looked like as of Tuesday, October 9, 2012:

I am 26 weeks pregnant.  Please ignore how exhausted I look.  So much is happening with getting my mom’s house ready, prepping to move, etc.

I found out the sex of baby #2 in August and am sorry I did such a terrible job spreading this news.  We’re having another girl!  I knew it.  I was so positive we were having another girl that I didn’t even need the sonogram tech to tell me.  I am thrilled.  If you recall, I wasn’t so thrilled with the news that Annmarie was going to be a girl.  But now that I’ve been raising a little girl, I wouldn’t have it any other way.  And as a person that grew up without a sister, I really wanted Annmarie to have a sister (but I would’ve been just as happy with a boy!).

Sadly – we haven’t done much in terms of prepping for this baby.  It is tough when you’re focusing on moving and whatnot.  We haven’t even given much thought to names.  I remember agonizing over this with Annmarie.  I also remember starting her nursery 3 months before she was born!   Things are definitely different when you’re pregnant with your 2nd child.  I’m not as worried about things.  I know everything will work out.  I was even moving some furniture this past weekend!

This pregnancy still feels a bit harder physically than with Annmarie.  I can’t run anymore.  Running leaves me feeling terrible cramps and like everything will fall out of my vagina (sorry for the visual).  So I’m just using other cardio machines (bikes, ellipticals) but can only manage to do so about 3 times a week (vs working out 5-6 days a week with Annmarie).

My heartburn is still a little out of control but I’m better at keeping it at bay.  The secret?  Not gorging myself all in one sitting.  It is all about spacing out meals and eating them in smaller chunks.  I also crave way more sweets this time around.  Milkshakes and ice cream are my number 1 thing right now.

So there you have it.  I’m feeling pretty good.  I’m just tired and stressed but most of that doesn’t have to do with being pregnant.  I worry about what life will be like with 2 children and worry about how Annmarie will handle all of the big life changes that will hit her in such a short amount of time (moving and having a sister).  Annmarie loves babies right now and there are 2 new ones at her daycare.  I’m happy that she’s getting a lot of exposure to babies right now but am not sure how it’ll translate to her own sibling.

So there you have it!  What’s going on with you?

I Appreciate Politeness but…

I totally understand that we’ve come to a point in society where people know it is generally frowned upon to ask a woman if she’s pregnant. You never want to assume and then realize that you are wrong (because not only do you feel like an ass, you’ve probably hurt a woman’s feelings).

However… there is a point where politeness just seems ridiculous. On Monday, I received a “Congratulations!” from someone. I hadn’t realized that I never spoke about my pregnancy to this person though I don’t see them much. She proceeded to say, “I thought maybe you were pregnant but wasn’t sure so I didn’t want to say. But when I saw you put on that support belt at the gym, I knew.” (btw – I am back to wearing a pregnancy support belt at the gym for when I run jog).

But seriously?  You “suspected” but didn’t want to say anything?  This is what I look like right now (excuse the terrible phone pic taken in the gym):

I am 23 weeks pregnant. I am beyond the halfway mark and with this being my second pregnancy, I started showing MUCH sooner.  I’ve looked like this for quite some time now.

So while I appreciate the politeness of not assuming… COME ON!

Incidentally, I ran into someone I hadn’t seen in awhile that didn’t know I was pregnant.  And she said, “Wow – you must be due very soon!”  Yeah… I have another 4 months.

It really is amazing how by not sharing this news on Facebook, I’m met with lots of “whoa!  I had no idea!”  How did people communicate this type of news in the olden days? 

Pregnancy #2 and the Guilt that Comes with It

I think it comes as no surprise that I feel guilty about stuff. I’m easily guilted into things and just feel guilty ALL OF THE TIME. I think my mom has done a real bang-up job on hammering the whole guilt thing into me (despite how mean people think I can be to her).

I’ve been feeling a lot of guilt lately around caring for my mom, not making more of my last few months wtih my dad (because, really, who knew he was going to die?) and now? Now I feel guilty about having another baby.

I want another child. I’ve wanted this since AM was a few months old. I wanted her to have a sibling somewhat close in age so that she’d always have someone to play with. She’d always have someone who can relate to her when she complains about her horribly embarrassing parents. And especially, she’d have someone to help her manage her ailing parents when we’re too old to care for ourselves (or when I inevitably get Alzheimer’s or cancer as I’m predicting will happen to me).

I found out I was pregnant in mid May. I spent the first 2 weeks in shock. I wanted it but I guess I just wasn’t anticipating that it would happen for a few more months. Then I went into a fury about MOVING. We had to move. We had no space in our house. So for a few weeks, I obsessed over real estate. And then, my dad died. And I sort of spiraled into this feeling of hopelessness. My dreams of moving to the ideal suburban area was crushed and I was now faced with caring for a 67 year old woman who was grieving.

And then just like that, I was nearly half way through this pregnancy.

Guys. I am nearly (and I’m talking just days away) from being officially halfway through my pregnancy.

I feel guilty that I should be making more out of the time we have left as a family of 3. We should be soaking up every moment of having just 1 child (and her experiencing the joys of being an only child).

I feel guilty that when the new baby arrives, AM will not longer have my undivided attention. My attention is now divided and will always be going forward.

I feel guilty that I may miss some wonderful things AM says and does because my attention is now spread.

Did we rush this? Should we have waited until she was a little older?

Sometimes I look at AM and I get a little teary-eyed. She is my baby. Even when she’s throwing an epic temper tantrum (like she did last week at the mall complete with flailing around on the ground), I still look at her as my one and only. How will this dynamic change with another child?

So yeah. Lots of mom guilt going on right now.

And even worse? I still can’t devote making the most out of having just 1 child. Our free time now is devoted to helping my mom, cleaning out her house, etc. We’re always so busy now. And my heart breaks a little more each time I realize that this time is moving at warp speed.

(not to get all artsy fartsy but I thought the blurriness of this photo perfectly captured how I feel about AM’s rapid growth.)

Every night before I go to bed, I go into AM’s room and look at her sweet sleeping face. I usually put my hand on her chest or back to feel her heartbeat. I realize that this sounds absolutely insane, but I can’t help myself. Those are the minutes I take to soak in my only child. With all of this guilt mounting, I find myself getting choked up when I do this crazy routine. Will this change when I’m balancing 2 kids?

And the other guilt I feel is the guilt over the fact that I feel guilty! Gah! I can’t win. I feel guilty about feeling guilty about pregnancy #2 when there are people I know struggling to conceive AT ALL and here I am with another wee one on the way. Or friends who would love to expand their family but specific circumstances prevent them from doing so right now.

How do some people go through life without feeling guilty over everything?

Comparing Pregnancies

I was warned by my OB during my first pregnancy that all pregnancies are different. She wasn’t just referring to pregnancies of various women, she also meant that the same woman can have very different pregnancies.

Here are just a few of the big difference I’ve been experiencing:

Morning Sickness:
Pregnancy 1: Had nausea but no vomiting for a few weeks in the first trimester. I survived on saltines.
Pregnancy 2: Extreme nausea followed by vomiting. There were a couple of weeks where I couldn’t hold anything down except potatoes and white rice.

Energy:
Pregnancy 1: Exhaustion in first trimester but then felt great once I entered the 2nd trimester.
Pregnancy 2: Exhaustion ALL THE TIME. Holy balls, I’m tired.

Fitness:
Pregnancy 1: Worked out at least 5 days a week that always included at least 30 minutes of non-stop cardio (either running or elliptical). I was jogging at least 30 minutes non-stop until 2 weeks before I gave birth.
Pregnancy 2: Did you see my comments about energy? Granted, a lot of this has to do with scheduling now that we have a toddler so I’m not able to get to the gym first thing in the morning 5 days a week (just 2 right now). And I can’t seem to jog non-stop for extended periods of time. The best I can eek out now is jogging 1 mile then walking 1/4 mile. I try to jog for a total of 3.25 miles.

Weight Gain:
Pregnancy 1: I gained a total of 23 pounds.
Pregnancy 2: Obviously I still have a ways to go but based on my 14 week weigh-in, I’m 3 lbs ahead of where I was last time. This shocked me due to my extreme sickness in the beginning… but then I remembered how little I was working out and how much I’m grazing now.

Belly:
Pregnancy 1: I don’t think my belly actually “popped” until about 17 weeks. I just looked thick in the middle for awhile.
Pregnancy 2: I’d say my belly “popped” at 10 weeks. THIS IS F’N CRAZY.

Pain:
Pregnancy 1: I didn’t experience any real physical discomfort until I got quite large (towards the end of my 2nd trimester). I had issues with sciatica.
Pregnancy 2: I’m achy all the time although I think this is just attributed to my low energy. I’ve had my back “go out” twice already (I’m currently experiencing some serious issues).

The other thing about this pregnancy is that I’m already seeing how baby #2 is getting jipped. Before I had posted my exciting pregnancy news all over Facebook, I had printouts of the sonogram all over my desk and documented my belly growth every week (in The Belly Book).

For this pregnancy? I haven’t posted anything on Facebook (although that has more to do with my general distaste for FB these days). I haven’t posted any sono pics at my desk (although they’re on my refrigerator!). As for a belly book? Ha!

Granted, I’ve been under an extreme amount of stress this past month with my dad dying and dealing with caring for my mother (that is a post for another day). So maybe some of the exhaustion and pain is related to the stress.

And now for some recent pictures of Annmarie…

Annmarie was trying to climb up this structure but it just looks like she’s surfing.

This was taken by the Vietnam War Memorial in DC. It looks like she’s having a “moment” with the statue.

She really enjoys climbing into the toy box at my mom’s house. I don’t get it.

A Change in View

About 2 months ago, my view looked something like this…

Hello feet!  Hello knees and thighs!

But right now my view looks more like this…

At least I can see the tips of my feet.

I will lose sight of my feet (and the ability to touch my feet!) completely by January 2013.

(btw – in order to take the photos above, I had to sort of hunch over in the first photo to flatten my belly a bit.  In the 2nd photo, I’m just standing straight.  Yowza.)

You Had a Baby? (My Neighbors are Idiots)

2 weeks ago, one of my old neighbors (who thankfully moved but has been showing up around my ‘hood lately) commented that he didn’t even know I was pregnant.  I kind of brushed it off as him being a total stoner idiot (and I actually couldn’t remember when he moved away so his not knowing I was pregnant may have actually been valid).

But then one of my other neighbors (one that I see like once a week) made a similar comment.  I was carrying Annie out of the house in her car carrier and this neighbor asked how old she was.  I told her “12 weeks” and then she said, “I didn’t even know you were pregnant.”

Um, really?  This is me at the end of January:

Did she think that I just gained a large amount of weight concentrated solely around my midsection?  Did she think I had a giant tumor?  Did she think that I was smuggling a basketball under my sweater every day out of the house?  I mean, REALLY?!

I should have answered, “Yeah – I didn’t know I was pregnant either until I went to the bathroom thinking I needed to shit and out came a baby.”

The Waiting Game

Have I mentioned that I hate this waiting game?  Oh, I have?  Like a hundred times already? 

I’m in this constant state of panic… and I hate that.  I’m a planner.  I keep a calendar of events and activities (mostly because I’m forgetful but I also just love listing things).  I used to keep a daily calendar and carry it with me but that became a pain (although I still adore little calendars) so now I use Google Calendar and just check my phone.  All the time.

Anywho – because I’m so close to the end of this pregnancy, I feel like I can’t make or commit to any plans going forward.  When will baby girl get here?  A lot of things have come up lately and I have had to RSVP as “maybe” and it makes me feel bad.  I always hate that “maybe” person.  I just assumed they were waiting for better options.  Me?  I really have an excuse!

Last night during the terrible sleet/snow/rain storm, our power went out.  And I freaked!  I worried that I would go into labor and we wouldn’t be able to find shit in our house and our poor dogs would freeze to death while we were gone.  We’d be stuck in the obscene traffic (seriously – people were ABANDONING THEIR CARS on the highways last night because it was out of control) and I’d give birth in the backseat of Jeremy’s car.  I even had a nightmare about it last night.

And now they’re calling for more snow and I’m just so worried about going into labor.  For anyone that lives in the city – it is difficult to maneuver around the side streets when it snows because they are hardly plowed, people play “parking wars” so you never want to lose your spot and quite frankly, Maryland drivers are amongst some of the worst drivers ON THE PLANET.

I think with everyone at work commenting that they “can’t believe” I’m still coming to the office, I am convinced that I’m way overdue (despite having a due date of February 7th).

So please humor me, blogosphere.  To entertain me and get my mind off of things, I created a baby pool page.  Enter your guesses!  Maybe I’ll offer up some sort of price to the person that comes closest but I’m trying to think of what I’d offer… I’ll figure something out. 

 http://www.expectnet.com/games/CharmCityBaby

Prepping for Baby

Well… another week (I’m 38 weeks pregnant now) and not much new in the world of baby. I had my appointment today and was told the following:

• I’m about 1 cm dilated. Actually – my doc told me I was NOT dilated but her backup doc that I saw last week estimated me to be between 1-2 cm. Granted – the other doc was a little more “aggressive” in checking but it still makes me wonder how they even come up with these numbers. My doc said that she’d agree that I’m probably around 1 cm but didn’t want to torture me to make sure.
• I’ve gained 4 lbs in ONE week. Tell me how that is possible. My total weight gain to date is now 25 lbs. I lost a pound last week! I blame all the Mexican food and pizza I ate this weekend.
• All the cramping and soreness I’m feeling in my abdomen is normal (since I am stretched to the limit.

I have apparently shocked a lot of my co-workers by showing up to the office today. Nobody thinks I’m going to make it much longer. This belief has me thinking I’m not going to make it much longer either! Technically I have 2 weeks… I could even go up to 3 weeks (putting me at Valentine’s Day – I really don’t want a V-day baby. I feel like I’d just be screwing my poor little girl out of future boyfriend / partner gifts).

We’re pretty much done all that needs to be done around the house. Now we’re just doing maintenance cleaning. My hospital bag is more than half packed (there are just items that I still use that I won’t be packing until it is go time). So my mind is now focused on prepping my body for baby. This includes:

• Drinking Raspberry Leaf tea. Supposedly this stuff helps with delivery or even inducing labor.
• Primrose Oil. This stuff is supposed to ready my cervix for labor. You’re not supposed to take this stuff until you are 37 weeks pregnant… and by take, I mean shoving a capsule into your hoo-ha. You read that correctly.
• Perineal Massage. This is by far the funniest of the bunch that I’m doing because it is so f’n awkward. Go ahead and google it. You’ll see some YouTube instructional videos on it. But to really boil down what this means, you’re massaging your taint (this is what Jeremy likes to say). That’s right.

The idea is that you stretch the muscles of your vagina to prep it for childbirth. Many believe that by doing this sort of stretching, you’re less likely to need an episiotomy (or you’ll reduce how badly you might tear).

I remember a friend of mine that described to me how her OB “massaged her taint” when she was delivering her son and how it freaked her out… but that she didn’t need an episiotomy and she didn’t even tear. Consider me sold.

However, I can’t really bend down much so I have to rely on my dear husband to perform this task and let’s just say, it has brought us a lot closer.

At first – it was ridiculously painful. Like – tears in my eyes, Jeremy was slicing me with his short little fingernails painful. I couldn’t figure out what was wrong. And I sure as shit couldn’t relax.

Eventually we figured a way around this… Jeremy uses his knuckles. That’s right – my husband knuckles me. We had to do this for a few days and now I’m okay with him using his fingertips.

Don’t get me wrong – this shit is still uncomfortable but I’ve definitely noticed a difference. Let’s just hope this actually helps!

Btw – Jeremy likes to say he’s knuckling me and it still makes me laugh. I told this to my friend who made me describe it to her husband because she didn’t think he’d believe her if she told him about it.

I don’t think many women talk about the perineal massage and I don’t know why. It is hilarious. I definitely don’t think it is any type of foreplay (it is way too medical for it) but you have to have a good sense of humor about the whole thing. Pregnancy just makes you do crazy shit.

I can only imagine the crazy shit I’ll be doing when the baby is actually here.

My Belly Growth

While I’ve been tracking my maternity fashion on this blog, I’ve also been tracking my actual belly growth for a super dorky book I bought at the beginning of this pregnancy:

I’m not the type to “scrapbook” (I still haven’t finished my stupid wedding scrapbook.  Wait – I meant stupid scrapbook of my wedding… my wedding wasn’t stupid…

But I couldn’t resist this book.  While I don’t understand how women know they’re pregnant from weeks 1-8 (they have pages for your belly shots), I do like being able to track my belly.  So anyways, this is a reflection on my belly growth since it has now reached a point where I feel like it gets in the way.  Actually – it has been getting in the way for awhile now…

Week 8:

Week 23 (a little more than halfway):

And this week (week 36):

I still haven’t gotten any stretch marks so I’m keeping my fingers crossed that things stay that way.  But it is crazy to see me with a flat stomach.  I almost don’t remember what my body was like prior to this pregnancy!  I think it’ll be nice to be able to bend down though… I kind of miss that.