Tales from the Gym

Sick of reading about my obsession with working out? Sorry folks – its all I’ve got lately. I’ll refrain from p90x chatter though. You’re welcome.

Jeremy told me a story the other day about some guy at his gym (that he referred to as a douchebag) that acts as though he is a serious runner. Apparently douchebag hopped on a treadmill next to Jeremy and continuously glanced at Jeremy’s speed setting and tried to keep up. Jeremy had only intended to run 5 miles but because this guy was annoying him so much, he decided to out run him. And he succeeded. He said the douchebag had to stop and walked away looking very defeated.

Jeremy expected me to laugh. I didn’t. I felt bad for the guy! I am a wannabe runner. I’m not fast. I can’t go very far but I have aspirations to be a serious runner. There is something about that title… it’s so elitist. I want in that group! I have often looked to others as a motivator to get me to run and sometimes, if I’m next to a person who seems to be in good shape – I will look at their treadmill settings and try to get in pace with them. I’m usually defeated and can’t keep up but I try. So I felt bad for the douchebag.

Jeremy justified his bullying of the douchebag by noting his being a weirdo in the gym. Douchebag struts around the locker room naked (not shocking) but also goes to the urinal, butt-naked, with his hands on his waist as he pees. Okay – yeah… that’s a bit much.

I now bring to you the people that annoy me in MY gym. Something to keep in mind is that I happen to work out at MY corporate gym so these are not only weird gym quirks… but these are weird gym quirks of COWORKERS.

– Girls with long-ish hair that don’t pull it back when working out. I can’t stand you. You are clearly not taking the work out seriously because you cannot possibly run/jump/MOVE with long hair without it turning into a rat’s nest. PULL IT INTO A PONYTAIL.

– Extreme sweat-ers (I’m one of them!) that don’t wipe down the machines they are finished using. When I can see sweat DRIPPING off of the machine, you need to wipe it up. That’s just gross.

– People who change the television that I am clearly watching. Um… hello? My eyes are clearly staring at the TV in front of me.

– People who realize that I’m watching the television directly in front of me so they change the channel of a tv close by and turn the volume WAY UP. Heard of headphones?

– People who go to the bathroom completely naked. I don’t make nakedness in the locker room. I am not a participant of said nudiness (I try to be discreet… hello, these are my coworkers!) but I’m used to seeing it at this point. But going into a bathroom stall naked? This isn’t your house!

That’s it for now but believe me, I have plenty more. I wonder if in 10 years, I’ll be a naked locker room kind of gal. That trend seems to come with age. The younger you are, the more likely you are to change in a bathroom stall. When you are roughly around my age, you’re okay being discreet in front of everyone (hey – being in your underwear is like wearing a bikini, right? RIGHT?!). But when you get a bit older… you just let it all hang out. Although I wish some of these ladies kept up with the landscaping.



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7 responses to “Tales from the Gym

  1. This blog’s great!! Thanks :).

  2. Wait- Douchebag holds his waste as he pees? Or his waist? Either is kind of weird, but the former is also pretty gross and disturbing. πŸ˜‰

    Haha! I didn’t even realize I did that… or maybe I WAS trying to say he likes to play with his poop. Although I think that would take him from being a douchebag to having bigger issues…

  3. I’m with you on the sweaty people who don’t wipe down the equipment. This morning I went to stretch and the guy just getting up and walking away had left little pools of sweat. Ugh.

    And it’s not even that difficult! Most gyms come with towels just for that purpose… right there… next to the machines!

  4. Meredith

    I have some major pet peeves about the track I go to at the local high school…luckily there is no nakedness but there are plenty of shirtless old men. Why is it that the young, hot guys keep their shirts on but the old men are out there struting their ‘stuff’? If you show up to the track wearing flip flops, a shoe with a heel, a turtleneck, jeans or jewerly, or with your hair done you are not serious about working out so get the heck out of my way! If you insist on bringing your children to the track make them walk in a circle with traffic…do not let them walk against traffic, criss-cross along the lanes, sit in the middle of the track or ride their bikes. And if you are smoking a cigarette GO HOME!!! I like the idea of being outdoors and working out close to home but all of the nonsense that goes on at the track makes me want to invest in a gym!!

    And nakedness and co-workers just doesn’t mix, even in a corporate gym. I don’t think I’d be able to look at them with a straight face!

    Doing anything active outdoors near smokers always drives me bonkers!

  5. WWJD

    I don’t think it was intentional…and I hate when people point out typos all the time, but…

    “with his hands on his waste as he pees”

    I think you meant waist, not waste, but who knows…maybe he’s into scat too!!!

    I laughed out loud when I read your and Bmore Mama’s comment! I didn’t even realize I did that.

  6. I’m a really sweaty jogger too. I wish there were a way to stop that.

    All I have to do is think about heat and I sweat so I feel your pain!

  7. Factor

    Way to go beat that douchebag Jer!

    haha! Sadly – I think your comment will just make him feel more justified. πŸ™‚

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