Indian Giver?

Sorry for the racial slur but I couldn’t think of a better title for this post since it is about potentially taking back an offer I had given.

Faithful readers, I need your opinion.  Here’s the scoop.

One of my 101 in 1001 items is to donate my wedding dress.  I never planned on preserving it or turning it into something different (I’ve heard everything from a christening gown to crib sheets).

I found a charity (Brides Against Breast Cancer) and thought it was a great organization (especially since my Grandmother passed away from Breast Cancer a few years ago).  I printed off all of the information and forms I’d need to fill out and then…

I didn’t do anything.

The dress has been hanging on a closet door for the last 2 years.  I did get a chance to wear it again for a Trash the Dress session so technically I took it off the closet door at least once in that 2 year timespan.  I’d also like to note that I’ve never had it cleaned (even after jumping in a water fountain). 

My good friend’s younger brother is getting married next year.  He and his fiancee are footing the bill for their wedding (and I can totally relate) so they’re trying to do everything on the cheap.

The fiancee is my height and approximately my build although I think she is probably thinner than I was at the time of my wedding.  So – I offered her my wedding dress.  I mentioned that I was planning on donating it and if she’s interested, she could come try it on and have it.

She’s coming over on Friday to try it on.

Now here’s the situation.  After telling this to my old roommate (and nicest person in the world) – she was astonished that I’d just give my dress to someone.  I told her about my tiny home and how Jeremy is getting more annoyed than ever that it’s been hanging around our house like a ghost.  But then she pointed out a very important factor. 

This dress was NOT cheap.  Now I’m not trying to get all, “I spent a lot of money on my dress” on you guys but I’m just telling the truth.  I had a few splurges with my wedding and the dress was one of them.  If I was planning on donating it to a recognized charity – I’d get a tax break.  If I give it to someone else, I won’t get that tax break.

Now my question is – how crappy would it be if I asked for my dress back?  I’d still let the fiancee wear it for her wedding but I would ask that she return it once she is done with it.

Crappy?  I’m getting some mixed responses but mostly in the, “it’s not crappy at all.  You are letting her wear your dress!” but Jeremy thinks it is a little crappy of me to ask for it back (although he did note that the tax break would be very helpful and needed).

What do you think?



Filed under Charm City Kim Rambles

10 responses to “Indian Giver?

  1. Factor

    Girls are crazy, but I’m sure if you said you want it back to donate to the charity, she would understand. If not, tell her it’s haunted.

    Girls really are crazy… I can attest to that. I like your idea of it being haunted. It’s been haunting our guest bedroom for 2 years…

  2. Nicole

    Hey Kim.

    Nope – ask for it back. Or… just make it clear that that’s the deal. Use the word “LOAN” a lot when talking to her… I think she’d definitely understand. I mean, what’s SHE going to do with it? Keep it? That doesn’t seem right in the spirit of a donated, pay-it-forward dress…

    Alternately, just give her the url to this blog… and she can read about it herself.


    Good call on heavily using the word “loan”. I’ll try it! If not – I’ll just be sure to serve up a bottle of wine with the dress fitting and then tell her we talked about me getting my dress back and that she must have just been super drunk or something and blacked out.

  3. Meredith

    I think you can totally ask for it back. And anyways, what would she do with it? Probably the same thing you’re doing…keep it hanging in her closet for years to come! I agree, make it clear that it’s a ‘loan’ and stress you plan of donating it to a good cause when she’s done.

    Okay – these responses are making me feel better. Thank you!

  4. I agree with the others about stressing that it’s a loan and you’d still plan to donate it after her wedding. That way everyone wins!

    Besides, she might decide she doesn’t like your dress, or it’s not quite right somehow and then you’re all set.

    That’s very true (about her not liking it) – I’m hoping more for THAT situation so I won’t feel as guilty. 🙂 Thanks for your opinion!

  5. I guess for me it depends how you word(ed) the offer. If you say/said “you can wear my dress,” then you can totally ask for it back. But if you said, “you can have my dress,” then you can’t really do it without being a twat.

    And therein lies the problem. I think I’m going to end up being a twat.

  6. Being that she’s also in a situation where she understands needing to save / keep money where you can – I think it’s not crappy.

    Especially if you explain to her that you really want to donate it to that charity and because it has a special meaning to you because of your Grandma, I don’t think anyone could interpret that as crappy.

    Okay – you made good points. I’m feeling better about this now! Hopefully she understands…

  7. Of course ask for it back! I don’t think anyone would expect to be able to keep. In the same situation, unless you specifically said – Keep it when you’re done with it – I’d never expect that you were offering to let me keep it. And giving it to a charity is a wonderful cause. I’m guessing she’ll be really thankful for the opportunity to wear it and not think anything of handing it over when she’s done with it.

    Thank you for you input. I’m seeing more “ask for it back” then “you’re a jerk” so I’m feeling better.

  8. Absolutely ask for it back. I’m late on catching up with your posts, but dude. It’s your dress. If she wants to BORROW it, that’s fine, but you should absolutely end up with it back.

    Thank you! These reassurances from folks make me feel better.

  9. I agree – ask for it back. And I also donated my dress to Brides Against Breast Cancer – great organization. I also volunteered at one of their events. It was great.

    You did? I read some of the rules and it seems pretty specific in terms of what they won’t accept. I hope they accept mine!

  10. Pingback: Wedding Dress Blues « Charm City Kim

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