I don’t think it is a secret that I have no ass. I’m ass-less. Jeremy tried to tell me last month that my increase in running has perked up my tush but believe me, I am still tush-less.
I’ve come to accept my flat butt and try to wear things that may flatter it (or at least cover it).
And most days, I forget about my missing behind.
That was until last Saturday when I was reminded LOUD and CLEAR that I have no booty.
I took an exotic dance class (finally fulfilling another 101 in 1001 list item!). This class was the chair/floor workout and holy hell… what a workout. I wasn’t sure what to expect but my pal CAG (read her blog!) convinced me that it was truly a workout.
Why did I finally decide to take this class? CAG has created/organized/managed a new workout group called the Fab Fit Clique and she has deemed that August is “Look Good Naked Month”. She organized 2 exotic dance classes and 2 bootcamp classes for the month (every Saturday in August). The floor/chair workout was the only one I could attend. If you’re in the Baltimore area – you really should attend one of the workouts! I had a blast and the classes are only $10.
Aanywho – enough shameless plugging for my pal. (heart you, CAG!)
The instructor of the class didn’t look like she was in incredible shape. I don’t mean that as an insult… I just mean she didn’t strut in with six pack abs or Madonna-like arms. But when she got into a move and worked it, I felt inadequate as a woman.
I am not sexy. I never claim to be sexy and I never TRY to be sexy because I just feel like an idiot. I’m awkward and robotish.
She had us do moves that required us to hump the chair, spread our legs, rock our bodies whilst laying in strange positions… you name it, I tried it.
Look how hard I am concentrating on flutter kicking Playboy style?
I like to call this move “Giving Birth”.
The move that killed me though was the “booty pop”.
Have I mentioned that I have no booty? This woman tried to break the move down as much as possible.
Stand with your feet hips distance apart. Squat. Tuck your butt. Push out your butt quickly. Tuck your butt. Push our your butt quickly.
Her booty? It looked like she belonged in a rap video. In fact, a large number of the girls in the class looked like they’ve been booty popping their entire lives.
I looked like I was having trouble pooping.
I’m convinced that black women have an extra muscle in their bodies that allows them to booty pop.
I’ve never seen a white girl booty pop… let alone an asian one! I’m pretty sure I can consider this a booty FAIL!