I just noticed that my last post was my 100th post. I feel kind of lame wasting it on a rant about weddings and money. I feel like I should have thrown a little party or something. Oh well.
Since I’m in a weird mood today where I have a bajillion thoughts spinning around in my head and yet feel like I have nothing to write about, I’m going to share parts of an e-mail forward I received the other day. I laughed my ass off at this e-mail and excitedly agreed with the majority of it (so much so that I think I may have actually been nodding my head and saying, “mm hmmm” or “totally”). I also found out, upon forward this e-mail, that I was the last fucking person on the planet to have gotten it.
So anyways – I’m going to share bits of this e-mail sprinkled with what made me go “mm hmmm” or “totally” while reading it.
I wish Google Maps had an “Avoid Ghetto” routing option.
Hell yeah. I actually wish there was this routing option on GPS units. I’ve quickly learned to always select “fastest” over “shortest” because of this phenomenon.
More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that I can’t wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that’s not only better, but also more directly involves me.
I shared this with a co-worker and he immediately attributed this to me. Sometimes my need to talk about myself is so bad that I actually don’t listen to a word the person is saying because I’m thinking, “shut up shut up shut up”. I have an important story to tell about my favorite subject – ME!
Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong.
This actually happens to me a lot. Another recent occurrence is when I call someone with an important question only to realize that while asking the question, I have already answered it.
Is it just me, or are 80% of the people in the “people you may know” feature on Facebook people that I do know, but I deliberately choose not to be friends with?
Seriously. And I think this works both ways. While I’m looking at king douchebag from high school and declaring that I am too good to be friends with him on a dorky social networking site, he is probably looking at my picture and thinking, “whore”.
Sometimes, I’ll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the f was going on when I first saw it.
This is what I think about most movies geared towards children… especially the Muppet Movies. They are laced with tons of “adult humor” thus making me love them that much more. Oh and I really just love puppets. I will love puppets until the day I die. Any movie is made better with puppets. Seriously.
I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.
I am the perfect target for any mugger because I carry no less than 3 large bags everyday from my car into the house. It is always a careful balancing act to manage the bags AND open my front door. Groceries? Same thing… but with 5 more bags.
I think part of a best friend’s job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
This reminded me of an episode of “Curb Your Enthusiasm” (the “Porno Gil” episode where Gil asks Larry to hide his porn from his wife should anything happen to him). And I’ll just leave this at that.
How many times is it appropriate to say “What?” before you just nod and smile because you still didn’t hear what they said?
I am the worst with this especially if the person speaking has any slight accent. That accent can also just be a Baltimore accent. For some reason, despite growing up around people with thick accents, my brain cannot comprehend different speech patterns. Jeremy has to interpret what my mom says to me sometimes.
Whenever I’m Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning who just got the Red Ryder BB gun that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don’t mind if I do!
As much as I don’t want to be friends with king douchebag from high school, I will happily sift through his online photos. That’s what he gets for not setting up more stringent privacy settings!
Is it just me or do high school girls get sluttier & sluttier every year?
Seriously. And also – when did they all look so old?! perhaps its the bitter flat chested girl in me speaking here… but NO FAIR!
I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.
Tell me about it. And then the opposite is always true. Whenever I’m running a quick errand to the grocery store and I’m sans makeup, have greasy hair, eye crusties and stained sweats… I will run into my arch nemesis and all ex-boyfriends.
So aaanywho. I’m running 12 miles tomorrow morning and that pretty much sums up my Labor Day weekend plans. I’m sure you’re seething with jealousy. Honestly – I’m happy not really doing anything because pretty soon I’ll be in the thick of my grad school classes hating life all over again so I should enjoy this down time while it lasts.
Happy long weekend!