So apparently none of you found my funny conversation very funny yesterday.
I think this just further proves that I think I really am the funniest person ever… and am the clearly only person that thinks this. But I also think my friends are funny.
Or perhaps I just find a lot of things funny. I toss around my laughter and amusement like a whore. I am a laugh whore.
So if you didn’t find that funny, perhaps you’ll find this funny because Jeremy has been making fun of me for it for the last month or so.
I have a problem with awkward silences. I briefly mentioned yesterday that I hate talking on the phone. I don’t know why. And its not that I hate talking on the phone all the time… there are many times that I’ve chatted for hours on the phone with no problem. I think I have issues talking with certain people on the phone. But sometimes I just don’t feel like talking to anyone.
Back to the awkward silences thing though – I don’t know how to handle these moments. Whether I’m on the phone, bumping into someone I haven’t seen in a long time or killing time before a meeting with colleagues – some really strange shit has come out of my mouth. But not literal shit because if I could poop out of my mouth I’m pretty sure I’d die alone. Who wants to hook up with poop mouth? That reminds me of a terrible porn video clip I saw years ago…
Aaanywho – I really hate talking about the weather but it usually is my go to conversation topic. However, this creepy conversation took place recently at the start of a meeting where only me and another guy were on the conference call waiting for others to call in.
Okay so I don’t remember the start of the conversation but I know it had to do with it being super early for this meeting…
Guy: “Well I’m okay because I got some coffee.”
Me: “Oh yes. Mother’s milk.” (said in a weird Montgomery Burns kind of tone)
What?! I don’t even know what that means but somehow that came out of MY mouth. I quickly backtracked and said, “OH MY GOD! I have no idea why I said that. That was so creepy. I’m really sorry.”
And the guy just nervously laughed (or it was a pity laugh) and then other people dialed in.
But hello? This guy must think I’m so creepy. I’ve never mentioned this creepy conversation since that incident and I’m hoping he has long forgotten. But who forgets that shit? I wouldn’t.
And now Jeremy can’t see milk without thinking of how his wife spews creepy sayings like “Mother’s Milk” to coworkers.
How do you handle awkward silences?