Mind Your Own Boobs (and other unwanted pregnancy/baby advice)

Yesterday I tweeted:

Since more and more people are finding out that I’m pregnant, I have been bombarded with pregnancy advice or other comments.

I’ve learned quickly that there are a few hot button topics among parents and they include:

– Finding out the gender of the baby vs. waiting until delivery for the big “surprise”

– Labor with drugs vs Labor with no drugs

– Breastfeeding vs bottle feeding

The Gender Controversy

I really don’t see the big deal about this at all.  The people that are pro waiting until delivery try to argue that:
– Its probably the last big surprise you’ll ever have in your life
– It makes the delivery more exciting for everyone

And to these claims, I say poppycock!  (okay – I just wanted to say poppycock).  The last big surprise I’ll ever have?  Well that just makes me sad.  Plus – what is the difference between the surprise at your 20 week sonogram vs the delivery room.  I think you’re surprised either way… its just a matter of where and when. 

As to the point about making delivery more exciting – I actually find this to be offensive.  I don’t think knowing the gender of your baby makes the overall experience any less exciting and to imply such a thing seems kind of mean. 

The way I view this whole thing – if I can find something out sooner, I will.  I, personally, feel that being able to attribute a gender will (1) help me to get Jeremy to commit to a frickin’ name and (2) help me to create a personality for my bambino.  But that’s just me.  I wouldn’t imply to someone who is waiting that they’d feel disconnected to their baby if they didn’t have this info – just as I would expect people to respect my own personal wishes.

Plus – who’s to say I won’t be surprised at the delivery?  I’m reading and hearing more and more stories about couples who were told they were having 1 thing only to end up delivering another.

The DARE Delivery Issue

Here’s another thing that baffles me.  The women that seem to be pro au naturel seem to be the most adamant about their viewpoint (my mother is included in this camp).

Last I checked, women were not awarded medals or badges for opting to not use drugs.  There were no ticker tape parades in their honor.  I don’t believe when you register your child for school that you have to indicate whether or not you delivered them with the use of drugs.  SO WHO THE FUCK CARES.

It surprised people when they ask me about my birth plan.  Mind your own vag.

And speaking of vaginas… there is some sort of myth about an extra stitch?  It made me chuckle when a female co-worker mentioned it to me, it made me want to take a scaulding hot shower when a male co-worker said the same thing.

The Great Boob Debate

Holy fuck – this is the mother of all controversies.  Breastfeeding. 

It makes me laugh when Jeremy takes it upon himself to answer for me when people ask about our plans to breastfeed (in case you’re wondering, he says, “Yes, absolutely.” as though it was a crazy question to even ask).  Jeremy also took a class in college called, “Nutrition through the lifecycle” where there was a section all about breastfeeding.  Apparently my husband is an expert in breastfeeding.  He could be a lactation specialist.  And I have a feeling that the words, “Do you want to fucking breastfeed him/her?” WILL come out of my mouth at some point.

Anywho.  I just don’t understand why people feel it is their business.  A lot of the comments I’ve gotten from people have been about how I should brace myself for the barage of opinions that will be forced upon me about this topic.  One person even warned that I shouldn’t let the nurses make me feel bad in case I have difficulty (in fact – I’ve had a few people tell me this). 

But people are rabid about this topic.  I had read that a friend from high school was recently approached by a stranger in a restaurant when she was bottle feeding her newborn.  The lady asked if there was breastmilk in the bottle.  What the what?  Oh hell to the no.  Back off, lady.  I would have flipped.

My plan is to try.  I do think it is a natural thing to do (and find it strange when some women note how the idea of it “skeeves them out”) but I also know that it can be a painful and difficult experience for some women.  Am I afraid of the process?  A little but that has more to do with my fear of having my nipples bitten off (think Ted Bundy) more than the act of feeding a child. 

What is it about being pregnant that allows people to cross that imaginary boundary that every has in regards to their personal space / life?   I’m awaiting the day when I get to karate chop a stranger’s hand away from my belly.  Bring it on, motherfuckers.



Filed under Charm City Kim Breeds

13 responses to “Mind Your Own Boobs (and other unwanted pregnancy/baby advice)

  1. Carrie

    Only you would compare your baby to Ted Bundy. I laughed really hard at that one. When people give you advice, just answer them with “I plan on doing whatever you DIDN’T do because I don’t want my child to turn out like yours”. That should shut them up.

  2. Ok, I’ve never been pregnant, but I can only imagine how annoying all this crap is. Better you than me right now, and good luck on dealing with it. You crack me up though,. so I’m sure your responses will be great onliners!

  3. Vonni

    Remember that village is takes to raise a kid…this is the beginning of that village. Granted its made up of mostly idiots, but still. And I want pics of the first person you karate chop away from your stomach. 🙂

  4. Annoying. But please wear a t-shirt while you are pregnant that says “mind your own vag.” And when I get pregnant you can pass it on to me. Tee hee!!!

  5. I remember writing something like this a while ago…

    You’ll find it amusing.

  6. Yes yes yes and more yes. I was nodding my head the whole time. And when willikat is done with the “mind your own vag” t-shirt, I’ll take it. Not that I plan to get pregnant, I just think it’s awesome.

  7. Hilarious! And so, so true!

  8. Didn’t I call it? Didn’t I? Having a child apparently gives everyone in the world a free pass to tell you how they chose to birth/raise their own children, and to disagree with their choices is to negate their child’s entire existence. Reason #2 of 300 why I will never have children.

  9. In defense of some of the unwanted advice, there are of course concerns about the health of the baby (ie: drugs used during labor). BUT. It is amazingly annoying to get the Nazi’s after you about any one of the million “wars” that go one between moms. Wait until if you find out Bambino is a boy, then you have the circumcision debate! I try hard to keep my opinions to myself until I am asked. Then I put it in terms of “this is how I did it but I encourage you to educate yourself about all your options”. The sad fact about mothers: they are out to inform the rest of us how crappy we are at parenting. And it’s not because we are crappy, it’s because they feel crappy and need to project onto others that they aren’t as crappy as they feel.

    Bottom line is as long as Bambino is a happy well loved baby, the rest of that crap doesn’t matter. As long as s/he has food in his belly and (when s/he can speak) tells you he loves you and hugs and kisses all over you, you have done well. Don’t let the other moms get you down!

  10. dude, doahleigh is right. let’s the three of us get “mind your own vag” t-shirts. pregnant or not, it’s relevant!!

  11. I am really trying to stop commenting on EVERY baby post you make..I promise I read all your blog post not just the baby ones..
    I could NOT have said this better myself. I hated all the advice. The worst one..that I got ALL the time..”You better sleep now because you won’t get any sleep once the baby comes”. If I heard that one more time I would have probably killed someone.
    The breastfeeding debated killed me as well. My mother-in-law was the worst about it..she would get very..passionate..about breastfeeding and she hated my “I’m going to try” answer that I would give. She would give me a lecture about how I had to do it for one year and even when he got teeth I shouldn’t stop. She even tried to stay in the room with me when I was learning how at the hospital.
    She’s lucky she’s alive.

  12. I think I love you.

    I’ve never been pregnant, but a few of my close friends have been, and they’ve also been harassed with questions like these! I’m totally going to direct them to this blog post from now on. 🙂

  13. LOL this is too funny. I had the breastfeeding fight with my mother-in-law already and we’re not even expecting.

    Right now I’m dealing with clever ways to explain how I could possibly be married for almost three years and not be trying to get knocked up. Apparently “we’re not ready” isn’t good enough for other people 🙂

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