Over the weekend, someone told me that I come off as being a miserable pregnant gal on my blog. While I try not to take things too harshly (especially since I am putting myself out there on this blog) – that comment made me feel like shit. I’m not just talking about me or my shortcomings… but now I’m thinking about my child.
I am not miserable. I am not ungrateful. I am not unhappy.
I’m not the type of person to gush about the wonders of pregnancy and impending motherhood. Its not my style. Instead I like to chat about poop and other strange changes to my body because well… I feel like a science experiment. And you know what? I actually think it is pretty awesome.
But yes, there are downfalls to being pregnant. Does this mean I’d change what I’m going through? Absolutely not. Does this mean that I’m scared shitless about what’s to come? Absolutely. Who wouldn’t be? I’m about to embark on an adventure that I have never experienced before and the unknown scares the bejesus out of me. And to be honest? The thing that is actually scaring me the most at the moment is the idea of going to the bathroom after having a baby. I don’t even want to know what that is like. I’ve heard mixed things from people but I guess I’ll just have to see for myself.
With that being said, I will openly share the downfalls of pregnancy or other things that do irritate me about being pregnant because I’d be lying if I said everything was just peachy.
People have no filter
I don’t know what it is about pregnant women that attract the rude or inappropriate comments and questions. Unless you are telling me that I’m absolutely adorable or that I’m glowing – please keep your “holy crap – you’ve exploded!” comments to yourself. Or get off of your soapbox about [breastfeeding, natural childbirth, cloth diapering, etc.] because you have no idea what my plans are. I respect how you are raising your child, but we all are entitled to our opinions.
And oh my god – I get it. Nobody thought I’d ever be a mother so now that I’m about to become one, I must be a brand new person. Listen. Babies still frighten me but that comes from inexperience and fear of hurting a child. I don’t think they have cooties or anything but just because I’m about to become a mother, I didn’t go through some sort of transformation into nurturing den mother. I think it will take some time for me.
I have a new body part that is getting in the way of things… like being able to zip up my pants
With my expanding belly comes the hassle of not being able to do certain things. It is becoming more and more difficult to bend over. I can no longer zip up certain pants and dresses. And yes, it sometimes startles me to look in the mirror and see how large my belly has gotten especially when it used to be somewhat flat.
I worry about stretch marks and vericose veins. I still haven’t become 100% comfortable with my increasing weight (the number on the scale) and I tire easily. But then I feel a little kick inside and it doesn’t matter. I’m hatching a baby and these are things that come with the territory.
But seriously – seeing THIS in the mirror still seems foreign to me:
I am bombarded with conflicting parenting advice
I know that parents mean well but holy hell – I am bombarded with “advice” all the time. Sometimes I ask for the advice and I welcome it. But there are other times when people find it necessary to make jokes about how I’ll have no free time ever again and that I should sleep now because that will be a distant memory soon.
But even so – every parent is different. Just because I don’t plan to [insert whatever thing you’ve recommended here] – it does not mean I think you’re a bad parent. It also should not mean that I am dooming my child to a life of terrible things because I didn’t take your advice. Chill out. We’re all different.
I worry about the unknown
I mentioned this already but labor, delivery and the aftermath do worry me a bit. Can I handle this pain? I keep hearing / reading horror stories from the delivery room but at the end of the day, I think I can handle delivery. But the aftermath – the post-vagina care scares me. But clearly things are not THAT bad or there would not be parents of multiple children. I realize my mom stopped at me but that had more to do with the fact that she had me late in life (despite her still claiming to be 39) vs the fact that she got hemorroids.
Also – in recent news, I’ve had some friends who’ve had some unexpected complications with their children. You can read about Kt’s journey on her blog but her beautiful baby girl was born with a rare Urea Cycle Disorder. This isn’t something most first-time parents can even predict and it was heartbreaking to hear the news. However, their baby is doing great and is awaiting a new liver.
More recently, a good friend of mine just found out that his 3-year old daughter has leukemia. He called me with the news on Friday and my heart broke for them. The good news is that she as a commom form of leukemia (acute pediatric leukemia) and it is the easiest to treat and her oncologist was voted the Best Oncologist in Maryland in Baltimore magazine.
I can’t even imagine what these types of situations must feel like. Could I handle the news with the same strength and optimism as my friends?
I worry about being a bad parent
There, I said it. Yes, I’m scared of what’s to come. I have no experience with infants and often worry that I’ll suck at being a mom. I don’t know “songs” and I don’t know how to play with a baby. Whenever I DO hold a baby, they squirm and cry thereby confirming my fears that I suck at interacting with babies. My mom swears that this sort of thing comes naturally so let’s hope so.
I hope that I’m not coming off as unhappy. I am beyond thrilled about what’s to come. And I am grateful for what has been a healthy pregnancy so far. I realize that there are women who struggle to have kids or have complicated pregnancies so I am thankful that things have been fairly easy for me so far (although a part of me fears that this just means my labor & delivery are going to be HELL).
Don’t expect any mushy thoughts on the joys of impending motherhood from me anytime soon – but do know that I am not miserable by any means.