Tag Archives: maternity leave

Let the Crying Begin (Countdown to the end of my Maternity Leave)

I’ve joked quite a bit that I’d probably spend my last week of maternity leave in tears.  I’m not really a sensitive person so even though I joked about it – I really didn’t think I’d actually cry.  I mean, I didn’t cry when Annie got her 2 month immunizations (despite the doctor trying to “comfort” me – I just looked horrified because she screamed her head off while staring at me as though she was thinking, “WTF, MOM?!”).

But today, I cried.  Despite Annie poop-leaking (I’m now making up verbs) through 2 outfits today (while visiting a friend!  I can’t believe I had the foresight to pack 2 changes of clothes!) and spitting up / throwing up all over my sweater… I had a moment.

Sometimes, I hold Annie and sway/rock/dance to music on my iPod.  If I know the words, I’ll sing as well.  I enjoy these moments (although I’m not sure how much Annie really likes it).  We were having a good time rocking to some music but then Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros’ song “Home” came on and as I started to sing it… I cried.

And then I felt totally lame.

I need to watch more things like this to snap me out of this sappiness.

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The Countdown Begins (Returning to Work Soon)

I have less than one month left on my maternity leave.  While I oftentimes tell people that I think my lack of adult interaction has turned my brain to mush – I can’t stand the idea of returning to work.  I didn’t think I’d be one of those weeping moms (and I wasn’t when Annmarie got her 2 month immunizations and screamed like I’ve never heard her scream before), but the idea of me potentially missing a bunch of her “firsts” really breaks me heart.

And then I’m plagued with other crazy questions like…

(1) Will she love her daycare provider more than me?  Will she confuse her as her mom?

(2) Will the daycare provider actually do a substantial amount of tummy time with her or will she just stick her in a swing or bouncy chair all day?  I’ve recently become obsessed with flat head syndrome.  I’ve seen a number of babies recently with some very large flat spots on their heads and unless the baby has a medical condition that keeps them on their backs, I worry when I see these in other babies.  At a shower, I saw a little boy whose head was totally flat in the back and as far as I knew of this baby – he was perfectly healthy.  So how did that happen and how can I prevent it?   At Annie’s 2 month visit, the pediatrician noted that she had “mild flatness” but said it as a completely normal “don’t freak out” thing.  But I’m sort of freaking out.  And she’s recently started hating tummy time so this is tough.

(3) What if the daycare provider is mean to Annie?  How will I know this?  I imagine watching a couple of babies is difficult.  What if she’s mean to her? 

I realize I’m crazy.  I think I’m just starting to feel an overwhelming sense of guilt.  Is that what motherhood is about?  Constant guilt? 

I’ll tell you another thing motherhood has brought out in me.  Cheapness.  I went to a local flea market/consignment sale type of event for children’s gear (TotSwap).  While I was digging through baby girl clothes, I was appalled that people were asking for anything above $5 for USED clothing.  I saw the cutest (and dorkiest / potential blackmail material for when Annie gets older) little sailor girl dress but it was priced at $8.  It was used!  Jeremy accused me of being cheap and I realized that I totally am when it comes to baby clothes.  It probably doesn’t help that I’m currently on unpaid maternity leave.

Whoa – this post is a little ramble-y, isn’t it?  Here’s my last ramble for today.  I watched both Tron movies this weekend.  I’m not into these types of movies by any means but it was funny to see how different special effects have become since 1982.  The original Tron was SO bad and they really tried to sexy-fy and update the sequel in some hip-modern way that it also seemed corny to me.  What the sequel really lacked was Tron Guy.  I wonder how bad special effects of today will look in 30 years?  Will our kids laugh at how lame our movies are?

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I Think I Might Be Getting Dumber

Someone asked me today if I was feeling the impacts of limited adult interaction… and I think I spewed off a non-stop ramble of everything from Billy Joel songs to trips to Michael’s craft superstore.

Am I feeling the impacts?  Yes and so is Jeremy (and anyone else that I chat with).

I can’t seem to organize any of my thoughts anymore.  I jump rapidly from topic to topic as though the conversation I’m having with someone will be my last (so I try to squeeze everything I can into 10 minutes).

I’m also forgetting things.  The other day I went shopping with a friend and when I went to checkout – I realized I left my wallet in the car!  It was so embarrassing but thankfully my friend spotted me the money.

I’ll forget why I walked into a room or I’ll forget to take something that I need with me when I leave the house.

I forget dates and appointments (thank goodness for Google calendar and notifications).

I’ve also forgotten the words to songs that I used to know.  When I sing to Annmarie – I’ll realize a few sentences into a song that I have no idea what comes next.  I’ve been substituting lyrics about the house, the dogs, food or how I have no idea what I’m talking about into songs. 

And speaking of words – I seem to be forgetting my words as well.  Yesterday I told Jeremy that I planned to run the PARAMETER of the park.  When he questioned me, I responded as though HE was the idiot and said, “I’m running the circumference, geez…” to which he replied, “You mean the PERIMETER of the park?”  Ouch. 

I can no longer carry lengthy conversations with people unless it is about poop, sleep or what’s on TV.  Even worse is the fact that while I’m rotting my brain with excessive television – I’m not watching anything related to current world events.  Who knew we intervened with Libya?  Jeremy told me (and he chatted about it as though I already knew about it).  What?  My “news” now consists of E! News, The View (I can’t believe I’m admitting that), and The Talk (that’s even worse than The View).  I watch some of the Today show in the morning but usually only manage to catch the non-newsy stuff (like Chris Brown being an idiot and the adorable baby who was frightened and then delighted by his mom’s nose blowing).

While I love adult interaction – I’m kind of dreading going back to work.  I’m more than halfway through my maternity leave and can’t imagine going back.  But I’m also afraid what not working (when all of my friends work full-time) will do to my social skills.

So – school me on some current events, people!  What am I missing?

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